Rip It Energy Fuel Sting-er Mo

Sting-er Mo is the basic flavor for 'Rip It' and you can find it at your Dollar Tree store. Stuff is okay, I mean, a bit better than Monster flavor wise but not enough zip. 

If you're hoping to drink a few of these to smash it tonight, well, they do go well with vodka. 

White Castle Sliders Chorizo, Egg & Smoked Gouda

After the horrors that were the mornings after Thanksgiving and Christmas you are reminded of just how badly you need something to take the edge of that hangover and these White Castle Sliders Chorizo, Egg & Smoked Gouda look like they will just do the trick.

Don't be fooled, these are nasty, hard to warm up, and not hot enough to get that stuffy feeling out of your nose after a hard night of drinking. 

Set aside that in America what they make Chorizo out of is normally sold as dog food, and you still have the fact that these things are squishy and just don't have the kick to get you out of that stupor and on your way to work. 

Fail 

Sabra Roasted Pine Nut Hummus

If you're the kind of person who has gut pain then I think you should have Sabra Roasted Pine Nut Hummus sitting around. I don't know why, but it makes me feel better after I eat something that doesn't agree with me. I don't think it's wonderful. I really can't taste the pine nuts, but it just makes me feel better. 

Full Sail Blood Orange Wheat Ale

Yeah, Full Sail Blood Orange Wheat Ale is more or a summer of fall brew but I have to admit that it grows on me. It's a little like shock top but lacks enough orange to make its namesake. 

This stuff isn't bad. 

Guinness Drought Stout

You look at the white bottle and bird on this Guinness Drought Stout and think of summer. Little did I know that it was just normal Guinness in a different bottle. This beer will give you a mild cooling feeling in the back of your throat that will feel great in the hot early fall, and somehow it lacks the smoothness of normal Guinness and adds a bitterness that reminds me of sad stories. 

Guinness Drought Stout in the white bottle tasted different from normal Guinness to my brother who is a big Guinness drinker so I think this stuff was older than it should have been or the bottle lets in more light. 

I mean, it's just crazy how the same thing can taste so different. 

Kraft Jet Puffed Gingerbread Mallows

I picked up these Kraft Jet Puffed Gingerbread Mallows at the dollar store and then learned that they belonged there. These taste like sugar. You put them in your coffee and they don't taste like much. If you're hoping for a fun shape in marshmallows these will do, but the taste will disappoint you. 

Milk Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Santas

I got 'Milk Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Santas' in the after Christmas sale last year. Now these things can't take a lot of punishment and the foil wrapping makes them something you want to open and enjoy not leave out in a dish after a party. Then again, I've been to parties were the dog has sneaked a few pretzels so foil is better than nothing. Still, no air seal. 

Past that, these taste good. I mean, there is more chocolate for the peanut butter than a Peanut Butter Cup.

I say, if you need something to shut the kids up for a spell these have got to be a good idea, because they take longer to open than normal Reese's. Still, don't eat too many or you  look like Santa...or me. 

Hershey's Milk Chocolate Santas

Hershey's Milk Chocolate Santas are just like a normal Hershey Bar. They are an orgasm for your mouth. That said you should never buy them because you won't be able to stop eating them. 

Nestle Butterfingers Peanut Butter Cup Smooth and Crunchy Snowman

Nestle Butterfingers Peanut Butter Cup Smooth and Crunchy Snowman have a long and upsetting name but there will be very little of them after Christmas because they are so good. They are indeed smooth yet crunchy and they are definitely unlike Butterfinger and nothing like Peanut Butter Cups. 

These are like nothing I've had before, and if you want something new give them a try. 

M&M's Holiday Mint

If you ever had M&M's milk chocolate and said 'I don't like tasting chocolate' then these are the right candy for you. The overpowering flavor of mint removes from the candy any semblance of chocolate that may linger. They leave the flavor of mint in your mouth so if you want to give mint kisses or things I will not talk about on this blog these are your holiday poison. 

Don't kid yourself, you've been poisoning yourself since October. 

Reese's Peanut Butter Trees

Reese's Peanut Butter Trees are great if you're making a gingerbread house but not so much if you want to eat them. It's not as if these are bad they just kind of are. If you have to turn yourself into Santa this Christmas these are not the way to go. 

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells

Hershey's Peppermint Bark Bells are a thing someone came up with when drunk then had to tell the CEO about it, because they never did any real work. They look like a classic of the holiday because, well, bells and Christmas go together. 

These things are a shadow of Hershey's kisses so go get those. 

Snickers Trees

Snickers Trees are what you get if a Snickers Bar had less filling. I can't say much about them. They are not better than a Snickers and not noticeable different enough to make them worth eating. 

Russell Stover Note Solid Milk Chocolate

Russell Stover Note Solid Milk Chocolate is not a rich as Hershey's but is a fine enough chocolate. Given the choice I would have the Hershey's but that doesn't come in a billion dollar wrapper.  

Who comes up with this crap? 

Rock View Family Farms Egg Nog

Rock View Family Farms Egg Nog is missing the things that make egg nog nog. Even after I added some spice this was still bland. If you're looking of add Fireball to this egg nog then it's a good idea but anything that isn't big on the kick is not going to work for this one. 

Hershey's Cookie Layer Crunch

Hershey's Cookie Layer Crunch is a chocolate bar with cookies and caramel. I have to say these are a strong addition to the Hershey's catalog. I mean, I couldn't save one to eat just before this because I loved them so much. Total buy. 

Twix Santa

Twix Santa is um, a cookie with caramel and covered chocolate. I mean, eating Santa is really messed up when you think about it. 

M & M's White Peppermint

M & M's White Peppermint is a flavor that get's rolled out for the holidays that isn't as good as milk chocolate but is something different. 

Once you get past the novelty these get tired fast. I'd say they're okay. 

Lindt Classic Recipe Stick, Holiday White Chocolate Peppermint

Lindt Classic Recipe Stick, Holiday White Chocolate Peppermint are a holiday 'chocolate' that is sure to not impress anyone. I mean, these are fine but not great. The peppermint lingers in your mouth and the chocolate chips and gets on things. 

They taste good but are not for everyone. 

Dark Chocolate Peppermint Moose Munch

I asked Moose what he thought of Dark Chocolate Peppermint Moose Munch and he grunted, put it in a protein shake, and started pumping iron. It was the happiest I've seen him in years. Moose is not very social. 

A real moose was not available for comment. 

The dark chocolate and peppermint really go together in this one but I could have use more almonds. I got one of these for a dollar and I'd say that was a good deal but I'm not on my way back to the store to get another. 

Good stuff, didn't wow me.  

Kahlua Peppermint Mocha

I just had to have a white Russian so I got me some Kahlua but all they had was the Peppermint Mocha kind and I'm not disappointed.
I'm having this in my coffee as I write this. Good stuff.

As a mix or as a shooter this is sweet and smooth. The peppermint is not overpowering and the mocha is subtle. This is a great buy and if you wait until after Christmas it goes on sale but last the whole year. 

Hostess Iced Lemon Cake

Hostess Iced Lemon Cake is mostly lemon in the icing. Other than that it's mostly mild and goes well with coffee. I think these things are okay. I'd get more of them. 

Rip It Energy Fuel 'Power'

Rip It Energy Fuel 'Power' is a pineapple flavored energy drink that goes great with vodka. I mean, drink responsibly, kids, getting dead will end your drinking forever. Still, one of these shouldn't kill you, and they have a great flavor to get the party going.

Just remember that energy drinks and alcohol can be dangerous. Drink in moderation!

Panda Express Brown Rice

Because we all are trying to lead a better life Panda Express now has Brown Rice. I like it, it's good for you. Stuff makes your stool bigger and so fights constipation. The down side is that you may see some brown rice coming out the other end there and that's no fun, but how much should you be looking at that really? 

Panda Express Beijing Beef

Panda Express Beijing Beef is really tasty stuff. Too bad it's not very Chinese or good for you. Past that, you got to try this stuff. It's great if you mix it with the rice. 

Panda Express Mushroom Chicken

If you're going to call something Mushroom Chicken one would think it would contain mushrooms. I mean, it should mostly be mushrooms and chicken right? Where are the mushrooms? There were a few in there but not as many as there really should be.

I don't think much of this stuff. I wouldn't go getting it again. Then, I love mushrooms. 

Guinness Drought Stout

Guinness Drought Stout, I'm trying it for the first time.  This is smooth and dark beer that should be had at every party. 

Or every beef dinner. I mean, a good reason to drink Guinness is that the sun went down and you're still alive. 

Keebler Fudge Stripes Cookies Dark Chocolate Mint

The cookie in these 'Keebler Fudge Stripes Cookies Dark Chocolate Mint' is okay. The mint is lack luster and almost not worth eating. The fact that these are 70 Calories per cookie making that 420 Calories on the plate only makes these all the more disappointing. 

I'm going to donate that unopened pack to the homeless. Blaa. 

Panda Express Chicken Egg Roll

Panda Express Chicken Egg Rolls need more chicken. They don't have a lot of chicken going on in those rolls. Not a lot of egg for that matter, but these are okay. 

I would point out that with all the rice you get with a two item plate you really don't need these things, and I was so full after Panda Express that I just wanted to take a nap. Still, I would get these again. 

TGI Fridays Limited Edition Sriracha Buffalo-Style Boneless Chicken Bites

TGI Fridays Limited Edition Sriracha Buffalo-Style Boneless Chicken Bites have a long name and a very Sriracha flavor. The burning is mild but will last until the bites pass on. It did clear my sinus but otherwise was not worth eating. They don't taste like all that much. 

Keebler Fudge Stripes Fudge-O-Saurus

I don't know what a  Fudge-O-Saurus tastes like but these taste like nothing. Keebler Fudge Stripes are normally better than this so if you come across these at the discount store don't bother. I didn't eat half the case before giving them away. I'm going to give the second case to the homeless. Sugar flavored fudge should not be a thing. 

Sunnvalley Hickory Smoked Turkey Drumstick

I ran into these Sunnvalley Hickory Smoked Turkey Drumsticks and thought 'what a perfect thing for a lonely jerk like me. I don't want a whole turkey,' and got three of them. Then I had a vodka and when to bed. 

The next day I popped one of these in the oven for an hour and it wasn't ready. Then I cooked it for another half hour and it was okay. It could have used more cooking time and to be placed in a crockery. 

It's best to have these with a meat thermometer around so you can see if they're done. 

Anyway, this was on the tough side because I didn't cook it well enough, and it smelled so good my cats came to investigate. It got grease all over my shirt and tasted more like ham than turkey. 

It was almost exactly like having a Thanksgiving dinner without the arguments and awkward moments. Total win. 

Friedel Advent Calendar

With Christmas approaching you may be tempted to buy one of these Friedel Advent Calendars. I am pleased to say that the chocolate in these Calendars is so bad that you can only eat one a day. 

If you are foolish enough to like these you can get them two for a dollar after the holiday. On the other hand, I think these are a great way to fake out your kids into thinking chocolate sucks. 

Tillamook Limited Release ice Cream Jam-Packed Sugar Cookies

Tillamook tells you it's a classy but down home ice cream. You can really see that with it's Jam-Packed Sugar Cookies which could really use more cookie. They only had one of these left at the market so I had to pick it up and try it and I'm glad I did, because it's a flavor that makes me want to smile.

I don't like fruity ice cream but this stuff is good. Not too rich, but very satisfying. 

Samuel Adams Pale Ale

Samuel Adams Pale Ale is a thick headed ale with overpowering floral notes. The bitter flavor is best for winter drinking as this is just not a beer you take deep swigs of. Now I'm starting to see why I found it in a hotel hallway. 

Don Miguel The Bomb Breakfast Burrito

If you are expecting 'Don Miguel's The Bomb Breakfast Burrito' to contribute to fear and loathing on your toilet you're going to be disappointed. In truth, the thing is on the mild side for what it is and will not make a good hangover cure. 

Now, you have one of these with a V8 or a Bloody Mary, I think it would fix you right up. 

Other attributes are that they cook up in five minutes and won't fall apart on you. All in all, these are find if you don't have time to cook. 

Dad's Blue Cream Soda

Few things pair with vodka as well as Dad's blue Cream Soda. I got mine in the 'Big Daddy Size' so that I can rock that spare tire like a boss. This soda gives you a cool and distinctive look for your after dinner drink. Where as it has no caffeine to keep the party going it does have a flavor that will help wined things down so that guests puke in the can rather than on your carpet. 

Taco Bell Classic Tortilla Chips

Now that's classic. Taking Taco Bell home to tell the world you love weed so much that you think Taco Bell is good food. These chips are thick salty and otherwise there so you can scoop stuff up with them. Are they good? No, and unless you find them on sale they really aren't worth getting. 

Afri Cola

Afri Cola showed up for a dollar for two bottles at the local oddity shop and I figured I'd try some. This is the kind of soda that you buy if you want to relax with a whisky and cola. The lemon flavor elements just make me want to take a moment and love life a little more. 

I wish I had a nice bottle of Wild Turkey 101 to go along with this stuff. 

Bass Pale Ale

There is nothing pale about this Bass Pale Ale, but it's a heavy thick beer for sipping in the colder months or just shooting the breeze with a friend. This isn't the kind of beer you swig because of the bitterness that comes along with it.

I drink this stuff and feel like swapping sad stories with old men and having a ham sandwich at the pub. Good times. 

Green Mountain Coffee Cinnamon Sugar Cookie

Green Mountain sounds so cool and yet what they make is this crap. This is unsweetened coffee that is supposed to taste like Cinnamon Sugar Cookies. It really tastes like a whole lot of nothing. The coffee beans used for this brew are on the limp side so if you're looking to get through the day you'll need to drink the whole box. 

Blaaaah, I'm going to go have a Monster. 

Oprah O' That's Good! Uncured Pepperoni Pizza

Oprah loves bread. She loves bread so much that her pizza has way too much crust meaning that you have stuff that smells like pizza but sits on the plate until you dump it into your compost heap. Thick crust is only a good thing on real pizza. 

Hostess Cream Cheese Danish

Hostess Cream Cheese Danish would be the perfect food for keeping weight on people with wasting disorder. To say this food is boring is an insult to boring, and you'd need to be hungry or board yourself to eat this stuff. 

It is, however, full of fat and such and all the artificial ingredients will make you body last longer after you expire. Why did I buy these? 

Campbell's Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder

Campbell's Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder is sure on the watery side of things. I'm not sure what corn chowder is supposed to taste like but I figured it would be thicker. It does have chunks in it, not a great number, but they are there. 

This thing is an okay snack for lunch. Not great but definitely there. 

Grove Square Cappuccino Caramel K Cup

Grove Square, you have no idea what Caramel Cappuccino tastes like. Does this taste like cappuccino? Yeah, I guess. It's not like super killer but it's okay. I mean, if you want to have an 80 calorie cup of so so this is your bag. Tastes nothing like caramel. Frankly, getting a mouthful of my cat Caramel's fur tastes about the same. 

Oprah O That's Good! Five Cheese Pizza

With a taste of Cauliflower boasts the box of my 'Oprah O That's Good! Five Cheese Pizza' and I will say there is enough of that stuff to give you old stinky vegetable burps for hours. It does nothing to make the pizza better. 

There is a lot of crust to this pizza so if eating bread is your goal you will win but I'd rather eat pizza. Over all, I can't say that it's bad only that it is not good. 

Little Beijing Kung Pao Chicken

Little Beijing Kung Pao Chicken was the only thing they had when I got there a half hour after the place opened. Well, they had two things I had reviewed, but this was the one thing I had not tried. 

In any case, it's got more vegetables than other dishes in this American Chinese restaurant. It tastes okay, but you don't get much of it compared to other offerings. If you're sensitive to spice have it with a drink. 

Xpress Energy Drink Original

Xpress Energy Drink Original is the right amount of useful and foul to make it a number one stalk for my cabinet. It was one sale and after I tried on I went back to the store and got every last one they had. These things taste okay, not great, but they are passable. You can get them down but you never sit there and think "What would be great right now would be an Xpress" and that means you don't drink to many. 

Two Guys from Italy Lasagna

This hot mess is what 'Two Guys from Italy' would call take out lasagna. Grandma Teresa would brake my fingers for calling this bland slop Lasagna, but to be fair she is from Sicily. Tastes like nothing and tomatoes. 

Burger King Oreo Cookie Cheesecake

Burger King Oreo Cookie Cheesecake is an Oreo Cookie Cheesecake! I mean, what more do you really need to know?