Russell Stover Candies Creams Milk & Dark Chocolates Assorted Candies Gift Box (9.4 oz)

 Russell Stover is the kind of candies you get when you're at the store and you need something fancy but not too fancy. They make the holiday candy that folks get and forget and these boxes that look like nice candy but are nothing of the sort. 

Where as I wouldn't call them bad, I would say that they remind me of why my mother was always disappointed with my old man when he got soft center chocolates.  

These are fruity thing that taste okay, but are not that fancy. I'd rather have something better but I shouldn't have them at all. A good old Snickers will knock these out of the box. 

Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparkling Water

I don't know what humanity did to deserve this Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparkling Water but I got three cans of it and it was hard to get them down. Who thought this was a good idea. Chocolate doesn't taste good on its own. That's why we add so much sugar.

This was just nasty, smelled good, but man was it bad. 

Ritter Sport Alpine Milk Chocolate

Ritter Sport Alpine Milk Chocolate is made with Alpine Milk. I mean, what does that mean? I would have to say that the milk would have different nutrients but this just tastes like normal milk chocolate to me. 

I mean, yeah, it's European chocolate without the harsher flavors of American chocolate. It's not as sweet as the American stuff as well.
 

Crav'n Double Stuffed Candy Cane Sandwich Cookies

 Are you sure your name isn’t long enough ‘Crav'n Flavor Double Stuffed Chocolate Candy Cane with Peppermint Creme Sandwich Cookies’? I mean, can you add a few more words to make my job harder? Add to there very long name the fact that they are just okay cookies and you have a product I wish I hadn’t gotten for seventy five percent off in last year’s discount bin.

The world is full of discount Oreo cookies, and these are a lesser product. The may be miserable with coffee but they could be fine with milk I guess. Maybe you should buy them to express some willpower. For me, these are just going to get stale and be forgotten.

Athenos Chocolate Hummus

 Chocolate Hummus is often overlooked as a food and with the time of burning food in your backyard is soon upon us you may be asking if it should show up at your gathering. I would say that it should, because it is really good. 

Athenos Chocolate Hummus is like cake icing. It's smooth and sweet to be had on sweet potato chips or sliced carrots. 

I love this stuff, I ate the whole thing. 

Merci Chocolate Praline-Creme

 Merci Chocolate Praline-Creme is a fine chocolate for you to give your love this year. You can get them all the time, but the ones that come with the heart box are only out now. 

I think the whole sampler pack is a bad idea, but you can get them in one flavor packing. That means that when you blow too much money on these you can get your girl too fat to find another man by buying them all year. 

Who am I kidding, there is no woman too fat for another man.

Merci Hazelnut Cream Chocolate

 Merci Hazelnut Cream Chocolate has a very creamy mouth feel and reminds you of that stuff that people say is better than peanut butter. I disagree with them. I think peanut butter is king, but I get the point. 

This is a smooth sweet chocolate and it will go down well with coffee or wine. I would get this again. 

Merci Dark Cream Chocolate

 Merci Dark Cream Chocolate reminds me of the chocolate moose I had as a kid. The dark cream has a more complex flavor than some of the other chocolates from Marci and its bitter undertone is hard to notice but still there. 

This is a really strong chocolate. It may be the best of the lot or at least close to the best. I would buy more of this where I not a disgusting fat blob. 

Albertsons Fresh Baked Chocolate Chip Muffins

 Albertsons Fresh Baked Chocolate Chip Muffins are another disappointment from the Albertsons bakery. They're fine, not great, but fine. Don't eat them without something to drink because they are a bit dry.

I would also point out that the chocolate is underwhelming. If you get these make sure you get them on the fresh side or you'll need a lot of milk to get through them. 

Me, I'm a big fat dude so I shouldn't eat them to start with. 

Giant Eagle Limited Edition Candy Cane Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

 Giant Eagle Limited Edition Candy Cane Chocolate Sandwich Cookies are basically candy cane Oreo Cookies. They are good candy cane Oreo Cookies that make me wish I had a friend to make a blended iced coffee with so that I could add these in at the end. 

So tasty, and I don't really like candy canes. In fact, I would never eat them were it not for this blog ... or if I were stuck somewhere and they were sitting around. I'm fat. 

 Anyway, if you can come across these they are just what you get on the label and that's a good thing.

Hershey's Halloween Props Milk Chocolate Bar

.;l

Hershey's Halloween Props Milk Chocolate Bar combined the wonder of a Hershey's Bar and the nonsensical idea of collecting chocolate. It says you can collect all six but you can't tell which is which until you unwrap them and once you do that why would you not eat them? 

Again, you can just ignore what is printed in the chocolate and eat these. Given the fact that they will go on sale after Halloween then I have to call that a win.

It just goes to show you that you can't do better than a Hershey's bar. I can't have many of them because I'm too fat, but that's my problem and not yours. 
 

First Street Chocolate Pudding Pie

 Chocolate Pudding Pies are a kind of food I tend to reach for when I am truly feeling down. I can tell you last week was a monster for me and a trip to Smart and Final brought me to these First Street Pudding Pies which are some of the worst I've ever had. They don't really make me feel any better. 

I knew they were terrible for me. Frankly, anyone eating one of these monstrosities has to have a little of a death wish. Still, with three kinds of sugar they still weren't all that sweet and the crust was just tasteless and bad. 

I thought I felt bad before I ate these but now I feel even worse. 

Keep clear of these things. They just leave you wanting. 

Terry's Orange Milk Chocolate Bar

 Terry's Orange Milk Chocolate Bar is a funny sort of chocolate. I never understood the whole chocolate and orange thing, but I have to admit that it works. I guess chocolate is very versatile. 

In any case, this is a fine product that will bring joy to most people who come across it. I thought it was kind of odd but admit that it was very good.

Delacre Tentation Chocolate Cookies

 Delacre Tentation Chocolate Cookies are a fine thing to have with coffee. I love coffee and I think these just go great with it. In truth all that was missing was a friend with a cup of coffee to have these with. 

Yes, the best thing to have with a cup of coffee will always be a friend with a cup of coffee, and these cookies are a great thing to have with a friend. 

As for me, I'm too fat to eat them on my own so sharing them is the best idea save not eating them to start with.

Shake Shack Chocolate Churro Shake

Sporting 950 Calories and tasting of dog kibble the Shake Shack Chocolate Churro Shake is one of the biggest disappointments I've had this year. Being a massive blob I clearly love churros and shakes, well, only the real kind will do. None of that alien blood crap you get from the golden arches. 

I don't know how real this was but the salty bits of coco pebbles they put in there got stuck in the straw and did not make my drinking experience better. After that, it didn't taste like much and a churro should taste like sugar and cinnamon. 

I have to admit, I'd like to go back to Shake Shack, but the shakes are something to keep clear of. 
 

M&M'S English Toffee Peanut

 M&M'S English Toffee Peanut is some kind of contest winner. I have to say that this is a flavor that I think is worth trying given that I like toffee. 

So many flavors aren't a big improvement on the original and these, well, they are worthwhile if not better. I say you should try these because they are rather good. Then again, I'm a big fat man so I like chocolate way too much.

Colliders Chopped Hersheys Chocolate

Colliders Chopped Hershey's Chocolate is chocolate pudding like stuff along with more chocolate bits to go along with it. I have to admit pudding always goes down fast and you never feel like you got enough. 

Or is that just me for being fat. Fat people like me should never eat pudding anyway. I think we fat people all love pudding. 

Anyway, these are okay, not great but okay. I would try the other flavors of this, but because fat people shouldn't eat these I would not buy them again. I guess I would if I was skinny. 

Being fat stinks. 
 

Sour Patch Kids White Chocolate Flavored Bunny

 I feel like there was some kind of leftover at the candy factory that was thrown into this Sour Patch Kids White Chocolate Flavored Bunny. You can't really taste the Sour Patch Kids but the flavoring they used to make fake white chocolate is very convincing.  

I would stay away from this not because it tastes bad, but rather because it's not good for you, and doesn't taste good enough to justify the Calories.  

Lab grown nightmare candy. 

Elmer Chocolate Valentine's Day Rose Bouquet Design Heart Shaped, 6 Ounce Chocolate Gift Box

 Elmer Chocolate Valentine's Day Rose Bouquet Design Heart Shaped, 6 Ounce Chocolate Gift Box is a way of saying "I love me, so I got me something for Valentine's". This is a box of rich soft centered chocolate that will go down slow and leave your mouth wanting some coffee or milk. 

I wouldn't go giving these out because most folks know that hard centered chocolate is the real good stuff. Still, this is rich and indulgent and not for fat people like me. 

M&M'S Peppermint White Chocolate

 M&M'S Peppermint White Chocolate make me ask why everything is coming out white chocolate. I'm not the biggest fan of white chocolate and I think it's the easiest to synthesize. 

Are these bad? No, but they are not as good as their milk chocolate counterparts. If peppermint is your deal then buy these, otherwise let them be.