Seagram's Escapes Jamaican Me Happy

Seagram's Escapes Jamaican Me Happy is a lemon strawberry watermelon drink that suffers from too much flavor, but not enough of any one. The strawberry is the major flavor with a watermelon after taste. 

Big drinkers will not like this because there is very little alcohol. It's a find drink but not great and it will not get you drunk. Then with the summers becoming hotter and hotter this is a good way to cool down.
 

St. Pierre Brioche Hot Dog Rolls

 St. Pierre Brioche Hot Dog Rolls look so much better than they are. Then again, have you ever really gotten a good hot dog roll? No, because we call them buns, dude, buns!

Anyway, as I said they look really good but are about average in flavor. They don't hold together all that well, but what hot dog bun does? In the world of hot dog buns I don't hate these, but I don't like them all that much either.

Steaz Soda Energy Blood Orange Clementine

Steaz Soda Energy Blood Orange Clement

 

Steaz Soda Energy Blood Orange Clementine is a strange energy drink with a thick head like a logger. I have to admit that these are an interesting drink for sure. I like them and would get more, but they overflow my flask with all that foam.

The Conqueror Virtual Challenge Berlin Wall

The Conqueror Virtual Challenge Berlin Wall is an award for walking the distance of the wall that you pay for. I elect to plant five trees with every one of these I get, but The Conqueror gives you the option to stop plastic from going into the ocean. Me, I just like trees.

In any case, this comes with a magnetic part that comes out and looks cool but has no other real function. 

I buy these mostly to plant trees and save the world, so I'm on the fence with how I feel about this sort of thing. I mean, it would look good on the wall, but once you get it on the wall how will the magnetic part be noticed?
 

Gardein The Ultimate Beefless Slider

As far as hippy food goes, Gardein The Ultimate Beefless Sliders are some of the better things on offer. I would have figured they were a low quality meat had I not known what they were. 

I have to admit it is odd to buy a frozen burger, take it apart, and then cook the parts, but that's how these work. You can stove cook them but the buns and patties are to be heated separately. 

All told, it is what you add to these that will make them shine at dinner, but they do bring something nice to the table. 
 

Melba's Fixins Peaches & Cream Soda

 Melba's Fixins Peaches & Cream Soda could use a lot more peach to go with that cream. I mean, I never understood cream soda to start with but peach soda sounds like a thing we should make more of. Only thing is I don't taste a lot of peach here and that kind of makes this just a cream soda. More peach!

Hungry-Man Boneless Fried Chicken

 Hungry-Man Boneless Fried Chicken isn't very fried. I would say it is chicken. Stuff looks so good on the cover, and yet it disappoints in the mouth. Even the corn feels like a downgrade from canned corn that you normally get at the store. 

Then again, once you eat one you still want another. It's hard to figure out why this level of disappointment is so fulfilling. I wouldn't buy these again, but I ate all three of the ones I got in a day.

Dewey’s Bakery Lemon Bar Soft Baked Cookies

 Dewey’s Bakery Lemon Bar Soft Baked Cookies have a strong flavor of lemon and chunks of zest. I have to say they're best with coffee. They are definitely a distinctive flavor with a whole lot of taste in a small space.  

If you're a lemon fan then these are for you, but they are very lemon.

Monster Energy Hydro Super Sport Macho Mango

 Looking like runner's piss, Monster Energy Hydro Super Sport Macho Mango tastes better than it looks with a very mango flavor. It's not as hydrating as good old clean water, but if you want to keep going this stuff will give you something of a kick. 

I still say you should drink water, or rather I should drink water, but I work at night and need a boost. 

Hansen's Cherry Vanilla

 With a crisp flavor Hansen's Cherry Vanilla is something to try. It brings me back to my childhood when my mother would take me to the skating rink, and I would get a cherry snow. 

This is a great soda that won't stain your teeth. I have to admit this isn't a flavor I would normally drink, but this is great soda. It has a pleasant taste that will linger in your mouth. 

So good. 

Funables Baby Shark Fruit Snacks

 Funables Baby Shark Fruit Snacks are a case of pandering to a trend. I guess fruit snacks need to look like something but these don't really look like sharks. 

Ah, well, fruit snacks lie to you and say they are fruity when they're just candy. So, yeah, these taste like fruit snacks, and look how my kitty feels about them.

Seagram's Escapes Classic Lime Margarita

 Seagram's Escapes Classic Lime Margarita is nothing like drinking a Margarita. The big draw of a Margarita is how chilled it is and this is fine over ice but just not that good. It also has very little alcohol for the name sake and, it will cool you down, but it will also let you down.

Buona Vita Angus Beef Meatballs

 Buona Vita Angus Beef Meatballs are, well, meatballs. I can't say that they are kick ass meat balls, because meat balls have always been good. It's hard to screw them up. I would buy more of these but I'm a big fat dude who shouldn't buy more of these. I did buy more of these to be honest.

Pop Tarts Frosted Strawberry Milkshake

 

Pop Tarts are food for the lonely. I remember eating them as a child when my mother was too sick to make food, and, let us be honest, these are packed with sugar. I should never eat these because I am fat.

Anyway, their Frosted Strawberry Milkshake flavor is another disappointment in making people fat. I would have never said these were strawberry flavored and the milkshake part, well, what would that even taste like?

These things look like they should be doughnut flavored on the box, and then you open the box, and they look like a cheap knockoff of a Pop Tart.

I don't know how a Pop Tart can fail this hard, but it failed this hard. Once you get past that they're okay.  

Earth Friendly Products Bathroom Tissue

 Earth Friendly Products Bathroom Tissue or ECOS Bathroom Tissue, the internet is not sure, is a bamboo sugarcane poop paper that is better for the environment than your normal roll. 

Honestly, I thought that normal TP was made of sawdust which would otherwise be thrown away so I don't know if it's that much better for the world. However, we are making fake wood out of bamboo, so I guess we can replace wood with bamboo and this is a step in that direction. 

In any case, this is a slightly harsher paper than I'm used to, but it works just the same. 

In the modern day, the best option for you is to wash your butt. More and more of the world is moving in that direction. In the mean time, this bamboo paper will work just fine. 

Shake Shack Chocolate Churro Shake

Sporting 950 Calories and tasting of dog kibble the Shake Shack Chocolate Churro Shake is one of the biggest disappointments I've had this year. Being a massive blob I clearly love churros and shakes, well, only the real kind will do. None of that alien blood crap you get from the golden arches. 

I don't know how real this was but the salty bits of coco pebbles they put in there got stuck in the straw and did not make my drinking experience better. After that, it didn't taste like much and a churro should taste like sugar and cinnamon. 

I have to admit, I'd like to go back to Shake Shack, but the shakes are something to keep clear of. 
 

Shake Shack Fries

 Shake Shack Fries are of the crunchy sort and you get a good amount of them. They are on the basic side of things and not all that interesting. Then again, what can one say about fries? Mostly, they should be covered in chili and cheese.

Shake Shack Shakeburger

 At Shake Shack this is what they call a Shakeburger.It's a cheeseburger with tomatoes, lettuce, and shake sauce. I think shake sauce is just thousand island without the relish. Anyway, this burger is fried to perfection and made with a grilled bun to clog what is left of my blood system. 

Oh, they kill me so good. I dream of the time I can have another one of these.

Ecua Green Spicy Che Fle Plantain Chips

Ecua Green Spicy Che Fle Plantain Chips are very mildly spicy. These are not bad. They are also not great but rather just kind of exist. They are natural, so good there, but again, just something that exists.
 

Johnsonville Stadium Brats

 Johnsonville Stadium Brats are the German version of kielbasa or at very least the polish sausage you get at Costco. They are more flavorful than a hotdog and less flavorful than a normal sausage. 

This is what you buy when a hotdog is too boring and you like a little spice but only a very little spice. I guess you could just add pepper to a hot dog or maybe hot sauces and get more of an impact but these are okay.

Monster Dragon Iced Peach Tea

If you like peaches and Monster but it doesn't take long enough to drink a Monster than Monster Dragon Iced Tea and its Peach Tea flavor are for you.

It could be a bit more peach if you're a big peach fan, but then it would have to be less tea. I have to say I like this flavor just as it is and will buy more.

 

Tolteca Snacks Wheels Chicharrones Wheat Snack Chips

 Tolteca Snacks Wheels Chicharrones Wheat Snack Chips are hard to find in California. They are a vehicle for what you put on them tasting fine but other wise being flavorless. 

These are not good or bad, they just are. 

Lemon Perfect Cold-Pressed Lemon Water

 Lemon Perfect Cold-Pressed Lemon Water is way more lemon than normal lemon water which is made by putting a slice of lemon in water. I have to say this stuff is fine. I like it, but it feels like you're taking a simple thing and complicating it to a high level. Then again, I'm sure this is better for you than the normal lemon water. 

All said, I know I'll be putting more lemon in water but I don't think I'll be getting much of this stuff. 

Green Giant Veggie Rings Cauliflower Bacon Three Cheese

Green Giant Veggie Rings Cauliflower Bacon Three Cheese is not as great as it sounds. The whole 'cheese' and 'bacon' parts are undetectable leaving you with breaded cauliflower.  

This tastes like breading so it's unoffensive and if you're hungry you'll eat it. I wouldn't get these again, because they aren't that great, but if they fool you into thinking your eating something good for you then by all means.
 

Blonde Roast Starbucks Iced Coffee

 

Blonde Roast Starbucks Iced Coffee is what it says on the label. It's nothing more than cold, slightly bitter, coffee. There is no sugar and no cream. 

 

I have to assume that people will be adding things to this coffee. In truth, it has little flavor so add away. Just don't think that you'll be getting much of a coffee flavor from your drink.

Charms Fluffy Stuff Watermelon Cotton Candy

 Every now and then I run into something that makes me sad I'm fat ... I'm always sad I'm fat but this  Charms Fluffy Stuff Watermelon Cotton Candy makes me more sad I'm fat, because I can't have more of it. Being fat stinks. This stuff is great. 

I really like watermelon. I will freeze it and make it into smoothies in the summer. This is like eating a cloud of watermelon. So good.  

Panda Signature Ramen Noodle Soup Lime Shrimp Flavor

 Panda Signature Ramen Noodle Soup Lime Shrimp Flavor hasn't much in the way of lime or shrimp. It tastes like ramen, for sure, but the lime and shrimp parts are missing. Just to be sure I didn't get a bad one I tried this three times. The lime and shrimp flavor is missing.

Star Wars Fruit Flavored Snacks Mandalorian

 Star Wars Fruit Flavored Snacks Mandalorian are the food of the future. When we kill mother nature and all our food needs to come from a laboratory then these will be the closest thing to fruit you'll get. Little more than glorified candy, these are bad for you no matter how good they taste. 

If you want fruit then eat fruit. These are candy, and you should eat them like candy. May the 4th be with you.

Truly Grass Fed Natural Creamy Irish Unsalted Butter

 Truly Grass Fed Natural Creamy Irish Unsalted Butter is butter you should feel better about, because the cow was treated better. It still tastes like unsalted butter, but your inner hippy will tell you good job before he scolds you for not going vegan.

Lantana Dark Chocolate Hummus

Lantana Dark Chocolate Hummus may sound like an odd idea but it tastes fine. I mean, it's not a product popular in my part of the country so I had to ask what one eats it with. The answer was gram crackers. Who knew? I'm sure you could use fruit or vegetables. Think of this stuff kind of like peanut butter and you're going to have a good time with it.

Get your head out of the gutter.  

I find this easier to spread than most peanut butters and not as sticky so add your top jam and get to sandwich making because this is a chocolate lovers dream.
 

Idahoan Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

 Idahoan Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes do have some garlic too them. I have to say that these are an easy add to a simple meal. There isn't much to say other than these will keep the vampires of nature away. Garlic will repel mosquitoes.

All in all, not a bad buy.