Palmer Peanut butter Hearts

 If you can't get Reese's you may want to try Palmer Peanut butter Hearts. They aren't as good but they will fool dumb children. 

That isn't to say that they are bad just that they are not as rich or creamy as Reese's and they don't taste as natural. Had I not eaten so many Reese's in my day that I look like the blob I wouldn't really see the difference. 

Still, the difference is there. 

Hershey's Extra Creamy Solid Milk Chocolate Hearts

 Hershey's Extra Creamy Solid Milk Chocolate Hearts are as good as one would expect from Hershey's. I think Hershey's is really the king of chocolate, and you can never get better than the king.

I'm pained to put that unopened pack of chocolate in the donation box. Well, I'm fat and there are people who need these more than I. I'll miss them.

Nerf Friendship Exchange Hearts with Candy

 

Hello kids, are you insecure in your sexuality? Does the idea of giving out Valentine's Day candy to a class with other boys in it make you itch in funny places? Then I have the answer for you: Nerf Friendship Exchange Hearts with Candy. Yes, Nerf offers these plastic hearts with almost no candy in them whatsoever and even in the wrong colors for Valentine's Day. No one will think you love them when you hand out this chalky almost candies to your class on V-Day. Forget writing your classmates names on these things, because the from and to are in plastic, and it will just wipe off anyway. 

Yes, keep up that image of your manhood before ultimately engaging in gay experiments later in life with these "I totally don't think about this day" candies from Nerf.

Sensible Portions Garden Veggie Chips Valentine Hearts Sea Salt

 Garden Veggie Chips Mini Hearts are another of those bad ideas for valentine's day. I mean, look at where you need to write the from and to and think what it would do to the chips within to put names on them. 

These do taste like normal Garden Veggie Chips, and they make a good pallet cleanser for when you get too much sugar and can't taste it any more. I would not give these out to class or coworkers, but if you find them on sale like I did they aren't bad. 

Now the whole "sensible portions" idea means you eat more bags and make more trash. You want sensible eat an apple.

 

Dove Hearts Milk Chocolate and Dark Chocolate Swirl

Some of us like milk chocolate and some like dark. The rest of us just want more chocolate and that is were Dove Hearts Milk Chocolate and Dark Chocolate Swirl come in. These live in the mid ground between the two and have a stronger chocolate flavor. Needless to say they are delicious, and I shouldn't have them because I'm fat.

Butterfinger Hearts

Butterfinger Hearts where in the bargain bin last year and so I got a few of them. I'm not big on the whole V day thing so I don't see much build up to the day.

In any case, these things are for stalking that chocolate bowl at work and letting people know it's a holiday and they can act a little nutty. Normal Butterfingers are better.

Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts

Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts are not as good as the cups. They are just a bit dryer. That is not to say they are bad, it's just that there are better things from the same company and that you can likely get in the same place.

Hershey's Extra Creamy Milk Chocolate Filled with Strawberry Cream Hearts

Hershey's Extra Creamy Milk Chocolate Filled with Strawberry Cream Hearts are better than I thought they would be. They are totally kickn'. I don't normally like fruit and chocolate, but these really hit the spot. 

Who knew?

Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts King Size

Heaven isn't far away from a good cup of coffee and Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts King Size. With the day of hearts upon us and many of you folks having time with your love, the rest of us are alone. 

If it's a last minute gift to placate your girl then these hearts are going to earn you a black eye. For the lonely, however, they go on sale with the morning and will be half off making them the best thing to have with coffee in the cold of a lonely house. 

Don't mock the lonely house, folks, for it's better than a house of ill will or a house of shouting. 

Hershey's Gold Peanuts & Pretzels Hearts

Hershey's Gold Peanuts & Pretzels Hearts are one of those things made to get stores to by them but they have almost no relevance to the holiday. 

I mean, gold for Valentine's? These do have the virtue of being totally killer treats that I would by anyway. In truth I need to give them away so I stop eating them because I'm fat. 

Peeps Strawberry Creme Marshmallow Hearts

Peeps Strawberry Creme Marshmallow Hearts are a welcome change to the Peep army on it's march to take over the holiday world. I can't wait to see what happens when they get fur tree peeps. 

In any case, these Strawberry Creme peeps taste really good and would go well with some strawberry shortcake. Unlike when they just chang the shape they changed the shape and flavor of these and it works. It works really well. 

Dove Hearts Dark Chocolate

Dove has taken to making these things for every holiday and Valentines day is where I think they started. What you got here is nothing more than dark chocolate, and it's good dark chocolate, shaped like hearts.

Now for those of you looking for something to make your girl's heart go pitter patter these are not a good idea. Foil rapped just isn't that romantic. For those of you looking to put something holiday themed in the candy dish at work only to eat it all yourself, these are okay. I mean, foil wrapping only last so long. The real winner here is folks like me who go looking for this stuff after the holiday and get some great dark chocolate for half off.

Coastal Bay Cherry Jelly Hearts

Sounding like something you get for your sex doll Coastal Bay Cherry Jelly Hearts are candy that can only serve as garnish for the crap you should be getting on Valentine's Day.

You could use these to make your chocolates look better, but you shouldn't buy them. Trust me on this, you wind up with some fat farm candy that you will eat because you have but will regret having eaten.