Brown & Haley Mocha Roca

Brown & Haley Mocha Roca is Cashew Roca with coffee grounds. This tastes great but leads to you having coffee dregs in your mouth which then must be spat or swallowed, and this sounds way more dirty than Roca should. 

In any case, these taste good but the gack in your mouth shows me why they were on sale. 

Birds Eye Steamfresh Gold and White Corn, Carrots, Asparagus

Birds Eye Steamfresh Gold and White Corn, Carrots, Asparagus really does cook in pack. I mean, you just dump that thing in your microwave and let it cook then open the bag and put it on a plate. 

It still tastes like vegetables and frozen asparagus will never be as good as fresh, but it still gets your pee stinking. These packs being vegetables they don't taste like much so you may want to add some pepper, but other than that: eat this stuff, it's good for you.

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Cajun Fries

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Cajun Fries taste like fries. I mean, really, I didn't notice any Cajun in them at all. I don't know what a Cajun tastes like but then I'm not sure I want to know. 

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Fish and Popcorn Shrimp

I think it's funny that I have gone to Popeyes twice now and not gotten the chicken. In any case, as I said in my review of the popcorn shrimp the shrimp is of questionable quality but not all that bad. It's not the best shrimp I've eaten but not the worst.

Now the fish was wet on the inside and tasted a bit fishy, but I found it odd that they did not offer me sauce to hide the flavor. I found it passable but not great.  

All and all, this food was bland and American. I expect it will harden my arteries. 

Yoshinoya Lobster Stew

Yoshinoya Lobster Stew is that red crap in the upper right hand corner of the image. It smells funny and tastes like tomato soup. I do believe there were two bits of lobster in there but I can't be sure. 

Fail, epic fail!

El Montery Mexi Sliders Egg, Cheese + Sausage

El Montery Mexi Sliders Egg, Cheese + Sausage look like a good idea until you get hot cheese on your hands. These things are a mess and they are in no way filling so if you are hoping to have them as a quick meal before running out of the house you're going to be disappointed. 

They do have a hint of Jalapeno to give them a Mexican flavor, but the Pentagon shape really screws the illusion, and I think they would be less of a mess as a burrito.  

Fail if you ask me. 

Helen Grace Chocolates White Chocolate Drizzle Pretzel Rod

Set aside for a moment that these "Helen Grace Chocolates White Chocolate Drizzle Pretzel Rod" are called rods. Stop laughing! I mean it. Anyway, the chocolate is smooth but the salt of the pretzel is not pronounced enough to make it a welcome feature. All and all, if you are going to buy these for charity as I did they are fine but they don't hold a candle to a good old Snickers. 

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Biscuit

Thick and salty one Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Biscuit is two hundred and seven Calories. They are served hot and fresh but that is a lot for so small a biscuit.  More than half of that is from fat. 

They do taste good but you can't get one down without a drink and they are sure to bulk you up. I'd stay clear of these if you have a weight problem like I do. 

Popeyes Creole Cocktail Sauce

Cocktail Sauce is not something I normal eat. Creole Cocktail Sauce sounds like something that will make me sick. I was feeling adventurous when I tried Popeyes Creole Cocktail Sauce and I find it sweeter than normal cocktail sauce but not much in the way of Creole whatever that should be. I think it would have more spice. In any case this stuff is worth eating. I'm not the biggest fan of this sauce but I was glad I tried it. 

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Red Beans and Rice

If the French fries have done to your body what they have done to mine you may think that Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Red Beans and Rice are a good idea and your right. They have more fiber and protein than fries normally provide. 

This put's Popeyes ahead of other fast food chains in that you can avoid the McGas and McGurgles with a healthy dose of fiber. It should still be noted that they have a lot of salt and are far from really good for you but they are a step up from French fries all right. 

How do they taste? Okay, not as good as French fries, but they do have a hint of pepper to them. I think I will get these again.  

Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen 1/4LB Popcorn Shrimp

Did you know it was called 'Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen" because I didn't. I always thought it was just Popeyes. Anyway, this Popcorn Shrimp is about as fast food as shrimp goes looking very much like the shrimp that is made of bits of other shrimp. 

Look, this is okay shrimp for a fast food restaurant. I mean, I can't go expecting much but what you get for your money is worth it if you don't mind the Calories. I will also say here was a good amount of these thing so yeah, good deal, not sure I would get them again.  

Fanta Strawberry

"Caffeine free" says the label of this Fanta Strawberry as this red liquid fills my cup. Fanta has been around since World War II and was made in Germany because they couldn't get the ingredients to make Coke. 

So how is this relic of a bygone era? Well, it's okay. Tastes nothing like strawberry, but I didn't notice my tongue getting red from it so I'd say it's at least as good as Shasta. 
Now, as you can see I got this from a fountain and it may be different than the canned variety. I have never had Fanta before so I don't know. However, I do know that the process is different for making fountain or canned soda. 

Kirkland Signature Maple Syrup

Kirkland Signature Maple Syrup is bland and runny by comparison to other maple syrups I've had. This is not to say that it is all that bad, but I've simply had better. I would take this over corn syrup any day. 

Heinz Malt Vinegar

Heinz Malt Vinegar has a strong sent and flavor that makes your mouth water and lubricate. It isn't a great addition to Five Guys Fries because they are fried in peanut oil and the vinegar is there to cut the oil. 

A little goes a long way with this stuff but it really changes the way you look at food. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Then again, I'm sure it will clean whatever your eating. Food grade acid will do that. 

Frankfurter Happy Valentines Day Crispy Chocolate Mini Bars

A subtle way to give someone the middle finger Frankfurter Happy Valentines Day Crispy Chocolate Mini Bars are as close to not chocolate as you can get before it becomes 'flavored' and just as bad for you. 

These crap candies will clog your arteries and taste like chemical crud. If you wanted to end a relationship these should do the trick, and if they don't change your name and move to another state because that chick is bad news. 

These are bad in every sense of the word unless you want to slowly poison the kids who live across the street and keep bothering your cats. If you do, go buy the lot of these from whatever dollar store sells them and hand them over by the box. These things would clog and elephants heart. 

Coastal Bay Cherry Jelly Hearts

Sounding like something you get for your sex doll Coastal Bay Cherry Jelly Hearts are candy that can only serve as garnish for the crap you should be getting on Valentine's Day.

You could use these to make your chocolates look better, but you shouldn't buy them. Trust me on this, you wind up with some fat farm candy that you will eat because you have but will regret having eaten. 

Russell Stover Assorted Fine Chocolates

If you're looking for a way to say 'I love you but I don't want to grow old with you' Russell Stover Assorted Fine Chocolates are your deal. They are okay chocolate, flavor wise, and if you are buying these for the unsophisticated pallet the heart box is romantic. 

These are a hand crafted chocolate so what is my big issue with them? Well, flip over the box and you will learn that they have hydrogenated oil. Natural oil is not hydrogenated and hydrogenated oil clogs up your body and will stop blood flow to your heart. 

If you hate you're loved one get them a truck load of these and they will be likely to die young.

Kirkland Signature Organic Whole Cashews Unsalted Unroasted

Kirkland Signature Organic Whole Cashews Unsalted Unroasted are about as plain as cashews can get. These are the kind of things you buy, because you don't want to eat the whole box. Great for topping salads or yogurt, these cashews are not to be had alone. 

I mean, what do you say about unsalted cashews anyway?  

Old Home White Enriched Bread

It should really worry me that my bread tells me how good it is and Old Home has "is good bread" on every package. The truth is that their wheat bread is not as good as their 'White Enriched Bread'. The latter being thicker and more solid. 

At the end of the day it is still bread and bread with little in the way of fiber but it's okay bread.  

Kirkland Signature Organic Greek Yogurt

If boredom were a food I'm sure it would be plain yogurt. Kirkland Signature Organic Greek Yogurt is as plain as yogurt gets so what it tastes like is dependent on what you put in. There is a slightly bitter flavor, but it is almost unnoticeable if you add the right fruit. 

I don't know if you can see that I also added spinach to this to give me more nutrients and fiber. That only works if you cut the spinach small and mix it in well. 

After eating this I feel more mature for some reason. 

Jose's Gourmet Coffee Organic French Roast

Jose's Gourmet Coffee Organic French Roast is a dark smooth coffee that ages quickly in your pot and will have a slightly burnt flavor after about half an hour. This is a good coffee for people who drink it first off but not for folks who have coffee over the day. 

Perky Jerky Sweet & Snappy

Perky Jerky Sweet & Snappy is a product of our over caffeinated time designed to get caffeine into college students or party goers at a dangerous level. 

Now I can tell this is not normal beef jerky but I wouldn't call it that perky. The flavor is just a bit off. 

I'm a major caffeine addict and I don't get hangovers so all the things this stuff is made for are kind of lost on me. If you're not a big coffee person this stuff may give you a boost. It does just about nothing for me.   

Peace Tea Georgia Peach

Peace Tea's 'Georgia Peach' tastes like peach. I don't know what Georgia tastes like. It could use some more peach to be honest. If you are looking for the thickness of peach nectar then you will not find it here, but this is good tea. 

Chips Ahoy Chewy Cinnamon Donut

I'm going to grant that I've never had cinnamon doughnuts, but I would think they taste like cinnamon. Chips Ahoy Chewy Cinnamon Donut do not taste like cinnamon or doughnuts. They are chewy. 

The basic idea of cookies is hard to dislike so if you get these you will almost certainly like them, but you will not taste cinnamon. 

Malt O Meal Marshmallow Mateys

Malt O Meal Marshmallow Mateys is the cereal with marshmallows that are shaped like seamen. . . no, hold on, let me let that sink in for a second. . . Okay, well, if you can make things like Kashi Go Lean, cereal for extremely white hippies, then you can and should make cereal for homosexual men who dress like pirates. You'd think it would be fruity.

In any case, Lucky Charms has nothing to worry about because Marshmallow Mateys is only an okay cereal. I haven't had Lucky Charms in a long time so it could be not as good as these things, but I remember it having more marshmallows. 

This stuff is cereal that you shouldn't think to hard about before you eat. As for me, I got two boxes of this and the second one is going in the box of food I donate to the orphans because I'm too fat to eat that kind of cereal. As for you, feel free to have a box of this gay pride cereal. It wont hurt. 

Tillamook Mountain Huckleberry Ice Cream

I have never had Huckleberries before so I have no idea if 'Tillamook Mountain Huckleberry' Ice Cream is a good example of them. There are no berries in the ice cream per say. It's more like Huckleberry jam being a thick pulpy substance. 

Is it good? Well, yeah. I'd say it's a more refined ice cream for older people who are not looking for the richness of rocky road. It was a delightful mild chilled treat just right for a Montana afternoon. 

Yuban Gold Original Medium

Yuban Gold Original Medium is a passable coffee that oxidizes quickly and becomes hard to drink after two or three hours. It's not great coffee, but it has a nice smell. Like I said, passable. 

Banza Shells

Banza Shells are a great alternative to normal pasta. Full of protein and fiber this hippy food is just as good as the real thing. That is to say that if you eat this stuff you can say you're being healthy without people thinking you're crazy.