Sweet Earth Awesome Burger

 The Sweet Earth Awesome Burger is not 'totally juicy' as the box boasts. It looks like meat, it tastes like not meat, and will not make the carnivore in you happy. 

I insist on trying every vegan option I come across at a reasonable price. Let's be honest, "meat taste good" is not all that interesting to read about in blog form. I'm sure there are more brands of pre-made burger than there are vegan burgers in the world but vegan burgers are just more interesting. However, these are like most vegan options in that they are not bad, but they are just not good. 

 Fail, just not that great. I will keep putting myself through this until I find a good vegan burger. Then I will keep putting myself through this so you keep reading.

Polar Pink Crab Meat

 I found Polar Pink Crab Meat at a discount store and got two cans then took it home and said "what do you do with canned crab meat?" I fried it with butter, garlic, carrots, mushrooms, and peas. Then I used it to top some lentil noodles. 

I didn't know what to expect when I opened the can. I kind of figured it would look like tuna, but it looked like pink hash. It had a mildly fishy taste, but cooked up really well.  

This is a solid product for an easy yet upscale meal at home. I have to admit, I didn't think it would be this good. 

Pop-Tarts Frosted Hot Fudge Sundae

 Pop-Tarts Frosted Hot Fudge Sundae has way too little fudge and the sundae, well, forget about that as well. This taste fine and would be great if they were called something else but compared to a hot fudge sundea they are just a massive disappointment.

Bimbo Hot Dog Buns

 Googling Bimbo Buns wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Bimbo Hot Dog Buns are basic. They aren't very good, but they get the job done. Things will fall apart on you if you open them all the way and they're almost insufferable if not toasted.

Ritz Cheese Chrispers Cheddar

 

Ritz Cheese Chrispers are very cheesy. Almost too cheesy in that the cheesyniss will overwhelm you and leave you needing something like a good tea to wash it down. These are way cheesyer than Cheez-Its and I think they gave me crazy dreams because that's what cheesy things do. 

I would get these again. 

Bar S Deli Shaved Black Forest Ham

 Bar S Deli Shaved Black Forest Ham is a thin, not very black forest, ham that has very little in the way of flavor. Truth is that it's just kind of there, but the small thin slices mean you can fry it up fast.

I would get this again, but I almost never buy ham to start with...at least not as a lunch meat. 

Pop-Tarts Limited Edition Splitz Sugar Cookie & Frosted Brownie

 Pop-Tarts Limited Edition Splitz Sugar Cookie & Frosted Brownie is an attempt by Pop-Tarts to make a pastry with identity issues. Where as one can have too much of a good thing these aren't such a case.

This is not to say that they will change your life. Not as good as either of the flavors that they boast this is one Pop-Tart among many that fails at being tart. 

Tastes great, is bad for you, eat in moderation. 

Nathan's Famous Coney Island Beef Pretzel Dogs

 Nathan's Famous Coney Island Beef Pretzel Dogs where in my freezer section so I picked them up. Not bad, salty, and ready in ninety seconds. You only get four in that box, and they are smaller than I thought they would be, but after I popped the first one I took a nap then popped another.

These things are addictive. Who would have thought?

Red Bull The Peach Edition Energy Drink

 When I first tasted Red Bull it was a pez like soda that kept you up at night. The Peach Edition of this Energy Drink tastes a good deal better, but doesn't really get me going. I think I'm just immune to caffeine now.

In any case, this is a flavor that doesn't offend. It should go well with vodka. Not bad, really. Mild and refreshing.

Nutella

 Nutella, people always say this stuff is so great. Well, I'm unimpressed. I got two tiny bottles of this stuff months ago, and other than tasting it for the review have never even thought of using it again. It's mostly sugar, nothing like chocolate, and tastes synthetic. Why do people eat this stuff?!

Talking Rain Original Sparkling Water

 Talking Rain Original Sparkling Water is surprisingly good for being water. I mean, what does one say about water. It goes down smooth, I can drink enough of it to make my doctor happy. 

Good stuff, would buy again. 

Tate's Bake Shop Lemon Cookies Limited Edition

 Tate's Bake Shop Lemon Cookies are wonderfully crisp and love coffee and milk. Lemon Cookies are something of an oddity now days and I don't see many of them but these really are great. 

I only got one bag and I'm kind of sorry that I did. Then, I only ate half the bag in one sitting, and I kept my  fat hands off it after that. That means, these cookies are good enough to be delightful, and yet not so good as to be something I can't stop eating. 

Good stuff, I would buy again, but I'm too fat.

Bugles Nacho Cheese

 I was at the store and saw Bugles Nacho Cheese six bags for ninety nine cents. I passed them by and came back two weeks later to find he same bags for the same price. I figured a buck for a review isn't bad so I got them, and I can say they are okay. Not as good as normal Bugles but definitely not bad. 

I would still have normal Bugles over these, but at the price they are hard to match.

Post Golden Oreo O's Cereal

 Nice try Post, but General Mills is the O maker. Golden Oreo O's Cereal is a hard sugary food that if eaten alone will only lead to more hunger. If you have a sensitive mouth this will be like chewing gravel. 

Look, I'm a big fat dude, and there was nothing I loved more as a kid then sweet cereal. Now, I'm a grown up fat dude, and I don't want to eat like that any more. If you must have cereal, get it without added sugar and sweeten it with fruit or berries. That will give you lasting energy and fill you up longer than this crap. 

Butterfinger Hearts

Butterfinger Hearts where in the bargain bin last year and so I got a few of them. I'm not big on the whole V day thing so I don't see much build up to the day.

In any case, these things are for stalking that chocolate bowl at work and letting people know it's a holiday and they can act a little nutty. Normal Butterfingers are better.

Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts

Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts are not as good as the cups. They are just a bit dryer. That is not to say they are bad, it's just that there are better things from the same company and that you can likely get in the same place.

Lava Cake Hershey's Kisses

Lava Cake Hershey's Kisses are the chocolate with goo in the middle. My brother said that he felt they were a let down, but then I think he wanted cake. I wanted a review, I got what I wanted. 

Look, Hershey's Kisses are one of the greatest chocolates in the world and it's hard to make them better. Folks try and they do okay, but how do you do better than perfect?

Hershey's Extra Creamy Milk Chocolate Filled with Strawberry Cream Hearts

Hershey's Extra Creamy Milk Chocolate Filled with Strawberry Cream Hearts are better than I thought they would be. They are totally kickn'. I don't normally like fruit and chocolate, but these really hit the spot. 

Who knew?

Chex Mix Muddy Buddies Cookies & Cream

Chex Mix Muddy Buddies Cookies & Cream, or at least this box of them, is designed to be handed out of V day. They are a real small snack that you can easily eat too many of. These things are addictive. I took a box to work at they were quickly swarmed and devoured by staff. 

Good stuff really. 

Hilary's Black Rice Burger

 If you're looking to satisfy your meat craving without killing an animal Hilary's Black Rice Burgers will not do. As this kind of food goes they are edible. I've had better and I've had worse. The flavor stands out, but doesn't taste like meat, and the texture will do. 

How much you want to buy these will depend on your skill in the kitchen and your moral fortitude.  I'm not running back for more of these, but if they're on hand I will eat them.

Hostess Donettes Frosted

 

America's #1 Donut reads the pack of these Hostess Donettes Frosted but I have to ask if that's an availability thing. You can get these in any vending machine. 

The Meh factor of these things should mean that eating them is a strictly off limits thing unless your really hungry. The only thing is you run into these at work and think, "I'm really hungry".

Fail, not a big fail, but a fail.  

McDonald's Happy Meal Toy Milton Bradley Monopoly

I loved Happy Meal toys as a kid and I'm even now collecting toys to go to an orphanage in Mexico so I figured it would be a good fit for me to review one of these things. What you get with this toy is an anthropomorphic Milton Bradley Monopoly box with a near impossible to play simplified game inside. 

The worst part about it is that the board will not sit flat. You could fix this by setting a book on it for a few hours, but then you couldn't get it back in the box without bending it again. Then there's the fact that you have all kinds of little paper parts that will get lost. 

 

The box is big enough to fit better quality playing parts but everything is just made of paper. If this is a toy to put on the shelf and show that you love Monopoly then it's a good little talking peace to have. As for kids playing with it, I call this a fail. There is too much to get lost, too much to make a mess with, and I'm not sure the game is all that playable.

Wegmans Super Pasta Penne Rigate

 Wegmans Super Pasta Penne Rigate has a longer cooking time and stronger flavor than normal pasta. It has the flavor of whole wheat and the texture to go with it. If it's too tuf for you, boil it longer.

Is it as good as normal pasta? No, but you can get used to it.

Perky Jerky Sweet and Snappy Turkey Protein Pal Snack Pack

 I don't know if Perky Jerky Sweet and Snappy Turkey Protein Pal Snack Pack is still in production. I looked them up online and they were out of stock, which is a shame because they taste great. 

I got that at a discount and they sat in my work room for way too long before I finally got them out. It's a lunch pack that doesn't need refrigeration. 

Great for hiking or just keeping in your work bag in case you need a snack. I really like these things and I'm going to go eat my last one. Don't look at me like that, I'm fat.

Chi-Chi's Fajita Style Tortillas Multi-Grain

 Chi-Chi's Fajita Style Tortillas Multi-Grain are not as soft as normal tortillas, but I've come to expect that from multi-grain. Again, when you review everything it's hard to think of stuff to say about everything. 

I guess, you could say that normal flour tortillas are better. These are better four you. What is important to you? Your mouth or your life?

Maybe if you want tortillas get these.

Smucker's Goober Chocolate

 Everyone likes peanut butter and chocolate so Smucker's Goober Chocolate should be so much better than it is. It's too rich and a little unnatural tasting. 

One of the biggest issues with this is 'what do you really do with it? Think about it. You can't really just put this with jelly and ants on a log is out. I guess you can put this on crackers. I wouldn't want this sitting around in my cabinet because it's basically candy and not very good candy at that. 

Fail, how can this fail so hard? 

Trader Joe's Condensed Cream of Portabella Mushroom Soup

 Trader Joe's Condensed Cream of Portabella Mushroom Soup is one of those things that I got by accident thinking it was gravy. I know, I'm an idiot, trust me, when I kick myself for dumb things I've done this is very very low on the list. There is a "your mom" joke in there somewhere. 

Anyway, what do you even do with cream of mushroom soup?  If you're a fat dude like me who needs to use of some salami you grill diced salami with mushrooms, carrots, and peas. After you dump all that in there you have a really good soup. 

Good stuff, would buy again.

Hormel Mary Kitchen Hash Corned Beef Hash

 If Corned Beef Hash is made of Corned Beef then what is Who Hash made of? Ever think about that? Anyway, I ran into this stuff in the freezer section and figured I'd give it a spin. It cooks in about fifteen minutes and you can add vegetables to make it healthy. I like to put mushrooms in mine.

The onions and bell peppers disintegrate leaving just there flavor. This stuff is satisfying with just the right amount of spice.  I've never been a fan of hash before, but now I am.

Pop-Tarts Limited Edition Frosted Sparkle-Licious Cherry

 Pop-Tarts Limited Edition Frosted Sparkle-Licious Cherry make me miss the 80's, because I could have made a gay joke about them. Now, we know that gay people are just like the rest of us only more fabulous. What is not so fabulous is these testosterone sucking Honey Boo Boo looking things.

This is just normal old frosted cherry with obnoxious designs printed on them. I like unicorns as much as a normal person can, really, I may have had one or two as a kid. 

However, I don't need to eat them, and they don't taste like cherry. I don't like the idea of printing things on every day food. It screws with the idea of a cake with your name on it once a year.