Old Fashioned Oatmeal Cookies

 Old Fashioned Oatmeal Cookies taste more old than fashionable. They are chewy in a bad way and don't really taste like oatmeal or have the oatmeal feel in your mouth. How cookies can be this much of a fail and still be bad for you I don't know, but I would keep clear of these disappointments if I were you.

I'm not you, I'm a four hundred pound fat dude. I'm now going to try their chocolate chip for science. 

Hippeas Organic Chickpea Sea Salt & Lime Tortilla Chips

 The earthy flavor of Hippeas Organic Chickpea Sea Salt & Lime Tortilla Chips can be off putting, and some chips have way too much salt over others. Then, how much do you think about tortilla chips. 

These are better for you than most chips if not all that great. I mean, if you're a dip person then the dip will really define these, but if you eat them as is they're okay but not great. 

Castello Holiday Cheese Selection

 If you like your cheese nice and stinky then Castello Holiday Cheese Selection is for you. I mean, this cheese smells like my feet after a long day at work. The blue cheese is particularity strong in sent and flavor and should be balanced with some mild tasting crackers and a nice wine to cleanse the pallet. 

Like I know anything about cheese. 

Pho Whittier 63. Grilled Chicken on Vermicelli

 At Pho Whittier in Whittier California the 63. Grilled Chicken on Vermicelli is a lot of food. Moreover, it is a full meal with a good amount of greens to keep your body going strong. This is a simple and satisfying meal that I would love to have again. 

Pho Whittier A12 Fried Chicken Dumplings (Potstickers)

 A trip to Pho Whittier in Whittier California will be made all the better with Pho Whittier A12 Fried Chicken Dumplings (Potstickers). One order gets you six of these crunchy delights to share with your friends and family, and I have to say they are great. 

I will get this again. 

Banquet Family Size Homestyle Gravy & Sliced White Meat Turkey

Banquet Family Size Homestyle Gravy & Sliced White Meat Turkey is the kind of thing you buy and plan to have with other stuff. The gravy is a good thing, I guess, but that really means you need to have it with mashed potatoes.

The meat is low quality and there isn't that much of it for the size of the pack. As you can see it's sliced like cold cuts and small for a normal cut at that. 

All and all, I wouldn't go getting this again, but it tasted okay. 
 

Rocky Mountain Pies Pecan

 Rocky Mountain Pies makes a moist Pecan as a posed to a crusty or caramelized pecan. This is not to say that I dislike this pecan. I would say it needs more pecan because it's not called sugar or corn syrup pie.

I like my pecan pie full of pecan, and this one is only topped with pecan. Still a good pie, and I'm still a fat man who should not eat pie.

McDonald's McRib

 McDonald's McRib brings me back to the days of food I heated up in the microwave when my mother was at work. Then I would fight for an hour or so with my older brother. Neither of us would ever give up.

This is some of the lowest quality food I have ever tasted with meat that comes out of a mold and plastic in the bun. I can't imagine anyone being big on this sandwich but I guess it's a thing. The sauce is the only good thing about it. 

I think vegans should set this as a goal. It's like, if you can't make food as good as this crap then shoot yourself. Then, anything lower on the list of what is food would be 'not food but you can eat it, and it won't kill you right away'.

Boulder Canyon Kettle Cooked Malt Vinegar & Sea Salt Potato Chips

 Boulder Canyon Kettle Cooked Malt Vinegar & Sea Salt Potato Chips have the strong flavor of a chip you want to put in your sandwich. Why? Well, the mouth full of vinegar flavor will carry giving you're sandwich that vinegar flavor with a nice crunch. 

I liked these so much I went back to the store and got more of them ... then again I'm a fat beast and shouldn't eat potato chips.

Trader Joe's Sparkling Black Tea with Peach Juice

 As the season wears on you may need a drink and reaching for Trader Joe's Sparkling Black Tea with Peach Juice may sound like a good idea. This is not as refreshing as tea sweetened with peaches. 

I have to say this stuff isn't great and unless you want to serve it with some 'American Honey' by Wild Turkey it just won't quench your thirst. 

Idahoan Buttery Homestyle Mashed Potatoes

 Idahoan Buttery Homestyle Mashed Potatoes are,well, mashed potatoes. They don't taste much like butter. On the one hand, I love mashed potatoes, it's the Irish in me. Nothing is better to me than some colcannon and corned beef. 

On the other hand, the butteryniss of these leave much to be desired. If you're going to put the word on the pack then put the flavor in the food.

Regatta Premium Craft Mixers Light Ginger Beer

 Regatta Premium Craft Mixers Light Ginger Beer lives up to it's name and brings the ginger with epic flavor at only 50 calories a can. If you're feeling sick and need a ginger boost this will hit you like a hammer and get you back on your feet in no time. 

It can also overpower the taste of poorly made drinks and make things you normally can't stand drinkable. I got to get some more of this and you should get some as well.

Umpqua Cookie Dough Ice Cream

Ice cream is something that is hard to screw up.  Umpqua Cookie Dough Ice Cream is good as it is ice cream, but it doesn't have that spark that cookie dough has. I don't know what that spark is, it could be the vanilla, but it's not present in the dry lumps that inhabit this ice cream. It's still ice cream, and you will still love it, but it doesn't have that spark.

Sandwich Bros. Angus Cheeseburger Flatbread Pocket Sandwiches

 Sandwich Bros. Angus Cheeseburger Flatbread Pocket Sandwiches are the kind of thing you should keep around for you're days when you don't feel like getting out of bed, your head aches, and you feel sick. I think that's called a hangover.

Ready in just a minute, pop two of these with a can of V8 and a coffee. Then you will be ready to take on the day after a night of moderate drinking. 

All joking aside, these are low quality but good tasting snacks that will keep you going on long nights watching Netflix.

Jack's Original Thin Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza

 Jack's Original Thin Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza is made with the wrong cheese, too little meat, and tends to leave you shrugging as to what you just ate. 

The bacon isn't noticeable, the burger meat is also not noticeable. I mean, you would do better with cheese pizza. 

Frankly, I think cheeseburger pizza is just "I was too cheap to buy sausage" but the meat chunks need to be a little bigger to make them work. Also, wit cheese in the name you would think there would be more of it.

This is so meh it is hard to understand how it can have failed so hard.

Idahoan Baby Reds Mashed Potatoes

 

Idahoan Baby Reds Mashed Potatoes are not the fancy skin in mashed potatoes you see on the pack. They are just instant mashed potatoes and that means they are fine but not what they promised. It's hard to be disappointed by mashed potatoes even when you're a big fat dude like me. 

Still, I am somehow disappointed buy these. If you just want some mashed potatoes you can get them here, but if you want the real deal they will let you down.

Campbell's Chunky Hearty Italian-Style Wedding Soup

 

Campbell's Chunky Hearty Italian-Style Wedding Soup was something I picked up because I thought the name was odd. It's chicken soup with meatballs. Those round things are a kind of pasta and the broth is chicken. 

I have to say, I like this stuff.  I'm not sure if I'd go buying it all the time but I may try making it on my own to use up wilted spinach in the future. It has chopped greens and carrots so I would have added more vegetables myself, but on the whole, it goes down well on a cold day.

Godiva White Chocolate Vanilla Bean

 Ah Godiva, it fools you with that nice box then gives you lumpy White Chocolate Vanilla Bean pudding without a speck of Vanilla Bean to be seen. It's not bad, it's just not great.

Norms Classic Breakfast Sandwich

 I ordered the Norms Classic Breakfast Sandwich, but I'm not sure that's what I got given that the classic comes with bacon, sausage, or ham, and I got all three. 

A friend was paying, and it was the cheapest thing on the menu. I mean, I don't like spending other people's money. 

 Anyway, this is a great hangover cure if you spent a night drinking. Have it with loads of ketchup, and it will fix you right up. It was big for a breakfast sandwich and yet not that bad of a deal. Very filling.

WOW Baking Soft-Baked Gluten Free Lemon Burst Cookies

WOW Baking Soft-Baked Gluten Free Lemon Burst Cookies are lemon cookies for hippies and weirdos. Unless you have a gluten allergy then you don't need gluten free. 

Still these are soft lemony cookies that get the job done. I have to say for health food like things these don't make me want to hurl. I like them, but as I should not eat them I am giving one bag to the homeless and the other bag to someone who lives a block over.  They are soft enough to eat on their own but go well with coffee or milk.

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

 Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte is the kind of thing you drink if you are very white. I don't know why that is, but the internet tells me so.

In any case, there is a solid amount of spice in this, I don't know about pumpkin, but there is enough spice to make it spice. I think there isn't enough coffee to make it latte. 

I would like my coffee drinks to be more coffee than sugar and spice.

Castello Creamy Havarti

 Castello Creamy Havarti is not my kind of cheese. It is creamy but hard to cut and sticks to your knife. 

It is a strong flavored cheese that will very much compliment more distinct crackers. I'm not sure what else one would do with this but it's some good stuff really.  

I had to admit it's just too fancy for me. I don't know if this is something you can melt over your nachos. 

CheezIt White Cheddar

 Eat a box of CheezIt White Cheddar crackers before bed and you will have dreams that will make you feel off for a week. Not that I've done that, I mean, it's not like I'm a big fat dude who can eat a whole box of CheesIts in one sitting. 

Don't look at me like that. 

Anyway, these are sharper and cheesier than normal CheezIt crackers.  If you need your life to be more cheesy than these are your cracker.

Hormel Compleats Turkey & Dressing

 If you can't wait for some turkey a Hormel Compleats Turkey & Dressing may just hit the spot. They can be eaten cold so taking them for a lunch is easy and they taste like gravy. Given that the whole thing is smothered in gravy that make sense.

The one thing that really puts me off about these is the water chestnuts in the stuffing. You can't really taste them but that odd crunching they make resonates through my head.  

If you can get past the water chestnuts this is a great little meal to keep around for when you have no time to cook. Eat with vegetables.  

Ready-to-eat Coffee Pocket Latte Dark Roast

 Is there a hangover in your future? You know there is, and having a cup of coffee on hand just could be the difference between getting the full pot made and suffering for hours that the clock won't count as you heave dry against your guts. That is where Ready-to-eat Coffee Pocket Latte Dark Roast comes in. You can stash one in your night stand and scarf it down then slowly recover from that bender. 

Tastes like dark chocolate and coffee.

Golden Star Prime Grade Hot & Spicy Jasmine Rice

 Gold Star Prime Grade Hot & Spicy Jasmine Rice reminds me of how they serve rice in a Thai restaurant. I still wouldn't call it hot but on eating it you can tell spice was used. All in all, this is a fine product. Make it in the microwave, eat it with a fork, be satisfied.

Elmhurst Oat Latte Golden Milk

 Tasting of milk, oats, and spice with almost no coffee flavor Elmhurst Oat Latte Golden Milk will not scratch your coffee itch. This is not to say that I dislike the product but simply that I have almost no opinion of it. I think you could put it in cereal but I'm not willing to try. If it were oat milk I would say that it's good but it's Latte where this fails.

Michelina's Five Cheese Lasagna

 Michelina's Five Cheese Lasagna is small. I guess it needs to be to be good for you, but you're not walking away from this with out wanting something else. 

I think this stuff is okay. You get some lasagna like thing for a low price. I will buy again. Then I will eat two or three of them and then go eat something else.

Pop Tarts Frosted Red Velvet Cupcake

In the world of what is a muffin and what is a cupcake the difference is frosting. This is why I am not surprised that 'Pop Tarts Frosted Red Velvet Cupcake' lacks the richness and flavor that makes red velvet worth eating.  The cupcake part is a redundancy and the pop tarts are not that great. The frosting is the wrong flavor and the breading tastes like they just added food coloring. I mean, yes they should have added food coloring, but they should also have added chocolate.
 

Pocket Latte Cream + Sugar

 Pocket Latte is the idea that you can make a cup of coffee into a chocolate bar. Given that most of us drink coffee about of cups that could be used as soup bowls in America this makes the bar a good idea with a poor execution. By that I mean it's small.

The coffee hits you slowly as the bar digests meaning that you don't get a zip but more of a lift. It's the caffeine of a normal cup of coffee, don't expect much.

As for taste, I think they forgot the cream. That's okay, its a bitter sweet chocolate that really hits the spot. I have to say these are a win so long as you don't eat the stay dry tab in every pack. If you do that you will be very unhappy.