12 Cocoas of Christmas Holiday Cocoa Assortment

 12 Cocoas of Christmas Holiday Cocoa Assortment was twelve dollars or more at the store and I wouldn't buy them. At five dollars a box I still thought they were too much. Finally they came to under two dollars a box and, like an idiot, I got four of them.

Why did I do that? Because I figured I may screw up on my reviews of them so I wanted an extra. 

In any case, who thinks this is a good gift? Each box is one pack of cocoa, and so only good for one watery cup.  What lonely soul would want to spend the holiday sipping this on a cold morning?

The only good thing about these is that they look cool and so if you find one after the new year you can buy it, box it, and put it up next Christmas for a good laugh or a gift for that person you just don't like. 

Marketplace Brands Chocolate Cocoa Mix

 

Marketplace Brands Chocolate Cocoa Mix... would that be double chocolate or just flavored like it is? Merry Christmas the box says on this Chocolate Cocoa Mix of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas and it in tales the disappointment of the phrase. 

Right about now is when the real drinking starts with all the leftover bottles for thanksgiving, and the worrying over how much the holiday will dent your bank account. 

Have this with a shot of rum and forget. 

Marketplace Brands Gingerbread Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Gingerbread is the first Cocoa Mix I tried from the 12 Cocoas of Christmas collection and as you can see it looks like muddy water. It has a taste of ginger but not a strong enough one to be called gingerbread. The box says "The most wonderful time of the year" but the flavor says "I'm going to lose a friend if I give this as a gift". 

Rock View Pumpkin Spice Egg Nog

Rock View Pumpkin Spice Egg Nog forgot the pumpkin spice... is that a thing? I mean, it keeps happening to me. Are you folks sending me pumpkin spice things that don't have pumpkin spice in them just to screw with me?

Catullo Prime Meats Turducken

Catullo Prime Meats Turducken was the easiest Thanksgiving I ever had. I'll grant that it was also the most expensive. This Turducken as all the bones you don't want removed so that you get almost nothing but meat. It's still really just turkey if you ask me. I couldn't taste any duck or chicken. 

If you have the money these are fine. If you don't these are just not worth it, because you can get more meat for less at the normal store.

Marketplace Brands White Chocolate Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands White Chocolate Cocoa Mix is one of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas that really kicks. It looks runny, but it's rich and bold with a deep sweat flavor.  Some of these are so bad that every time I get a good one I'm surprised. 

If you could get this product on it's own I would recommend it but I don't think you can.

Sara Lee Sweet Potato Pie

If you didn't know what you are eating you would be forgiven for thinking that Sara Lee Sweet Potato Pie was pumpkin. If you didn't read the box before buying you can be forgiven for shouting angrily at the top of your lungs after doing so. 

It takes about three hours to make one of these.  That would be an hour in the oven and two hours cooling which means if you like pie hot your out of luck. 

All and all, this was fine, bland, but fine. I wouldn't write home about these pies, but they taste okay. 

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Dairy Whipped Topping

The fail of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Dairy Whipped Topping is mind boggling. It tastes nothing like chocolate or peanut butter. I don't often have this product, but I remember whipped toppings being better than this in general so this stuff was so big a fail that it didn't even hold up to the normal flavor. You should only get this if it's less expensive than the normal version.

Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding

Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding sounds like a match made in heaven but the truth is it tastes so mild that you would never know it's pumpkin spice at all. I mean, I grant that we live in a pumpkin spice saturated world so a milder for of the flavor may appeal to some people. As for me. I added ginger and cinnamon to this to make  it taste like something.

Marketplace Brands Cinnamon Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Cinnamon Cocoa Mix, part of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas gift set, sends you the warmest of wishes. Those wishes should be warmed with whisky because this tastes like banana. 

How you get cinnamon this wrong I don't know. These things are so wrong that I don't know how they got made. Did they expect me to drink these when drunk or did they just figure no one would drink them at all?

Marketplace Brands Dark Chocolate Cocoa Mix

 

Marketplace Brands Dark Chocolate Cocoa Mix is one of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas and is not at all dark. I know what dark chocolate tastes like and I don't like it much. I can be good or it can be too bitter for me. 

This has nothing that would indicate the darkness that makes dark chocolate it's thing. Tastes okay otherwise.

Philadelphia Cream Cheese Pumpkin Spice

 Philadelphia Cream Cheese Pumpkin Spice is like candy cheese. It does not have that distinctive cream cheese tartness that you come to love in the spread. 

If you're the kind of person that likes to add jelly to cream cheese this may work for you, but for me I would rather have the real thing and add my own flavoring to the stuff. 

Marketplace Brands Mocha Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Mocha Cocoa Mix leaves you asking what the difference is between chocolate and mocha. I mean, mocha is chocolate coffee as far as I know so this should be coffee, but it's just chocolate. 

It is what it says it is, but by definition it is a fail. It would be like bread flavored bread. What is it, and why does it exist?

Lunch Box Jumpin' Turkey Jack

 Lunch Box Jumpin' Turkey Jack can't jump. Why you would call it that is a mystery to me. The turkey has fewer chewy bits than the ham and feels better in your mouth. 

I still think these are for people who are just too lazy or have too much to do, but they are edible. I'd stick with the salami on this one, but this wont kill you.

Marketplace Brands Hazelnut Cocoa Mix

 "Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas" reads the box of my Marketplace Brands Hazelnut Cocoa Mix which is one of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas. Only thing is that I think they got the wrong nut in there. 

No, someone did not have a "Holly-Jolly" in my cocoa. It tastes like coconut not hazelnut. Not to say that it was a bad flavor. It wasn't great, and it wasn't what I was expecting.  

As for 'would I get this again?' no, it's not that great. This is crappy cocoa. 

Marketplace Brands Creme Brulee Cocoa Mix

 "Happy Holidays" reads the box of this Marketplace Brands Creme Brulee Cocoa Mix from the '12 Cocoas of Christmas' gift set. The box is the best part. I don't mean that the nice looking box is better than the flavor. I mean, the box tastes better than the Cocoa Mix. Given the option I would rather eat another box than drink another cup of this sludge. 

It tastes nothing like Cocoa and even less like Creme Brulee.

Cap'N Crunch's Limited Edition Christmas Crunch

Cap'N Crunch's Limited Edition Christmas Crunch is just like normal Cap'N Crunch with Crunch Berries save for the shapes and Christmas activity box. In short, this is the stuff that will make your child fat and play with their food. 

I don't know if anyone ever plays with these boxes, but I never did.  Then again, I am fat and I think I do play with my food. 

I need to start eating better. 
 

Marketplace Brands Vanilla Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Vanilla Cocoa Mix has sweet silver bells on the box. They are the sweetest thing about this product. It taste like watery cocoa with no vanilla to be found. Stuff isn't horrible but it isn't great. As part of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas this is honestly one of the better entries.

It isn't bad it just isn't what was promised on the label. 

Marketplace Brands Peppermint Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Peppermint Cocoa Mix has mint but no pepper. By that I mean that the mint flavor is not strong enough to be called peppermint. This stuff isn't bad it just doesn't live up to it's name.

Marketplace Brands Irish Cream Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Irish Cream Cocoa Mix tastes great as part of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas. I don't know why they call it Irish Cream and I don't want to know. I've had a lot of Irish Cream in my day and this tastes nothing like it at all. Still, good take on hot Cocoa.

Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Mocha

 Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Mocha is a fine drink to stay up on a cool day. If it were cold I would rather have a Monster and if it were hot a hot coffee. I live in California so most of the time these just don't hit the spot. They also don't taste much like mocha but the flavor you do get is nice.

Not  a bad energy drink, but it's the kind of thing you need to be in the mood for.

Kellogg's Minecraft Creeper Crunch

 Would you believe that this Kellogg's Minecraft Creeper Crunch was a gift from a friend? I have some good friends I guess. Well, the friends are better than the cereal. This is not to say that this stuff is bad. It's, well, dominated by marshmallows and gets soft kind of quick, but past that it's okay. 

 I'm just not a big fan of sugar for breakfast and this kind of thing leaves me hungry. I would have gotten this if it showed up at the store, but I would not buy it if I didn't get a review out of it. 

Stuff is bad for you and not that great. 

Marketplace Brands Raspberry Cocoa Mix

 Marketplace Brands Raspberry Cocoa Mix is the first of the 12 Cocoas of Christmas, and I have to say it is interesting. I didn't know this was a thing, but it is a thing. Raspberry hot chocolate is a thing, and I have to say "where as it been all my life". This stuff is really good. 

The box read 'let it snow' and I would love it to snow. I want it to snow more than I want to drink this stuff, but I will totally be on the look out for more Raspberry Cocoa.

Hostess Iced Vanilla Zingers

Hostess Iced Vanilla Zingers are made to be dipped in coffee. This is a bad thing because they come apart easily. Being a fat monster I've eaten more of these than I can remember and they were better ten years ago. 

Now they look smaller and taste like they have been sitting around longer. Food just isn't what it used to be.

Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Pub Triple

 I expected my Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Pub Triple to be bigger. It's a whole lot of meat and cheese, but then I almost never eat at Wendy's. I don't think they treat there workers all that well, because the people that work at the one near me don't speak English.  

Anyway, this mass of artery clogging meat product is somewhat underwhelming. The Pretzel bun is almost lost flavor wise and the whole thing get soggy quick. That said, I would still eat another one if there was a Wendy's close at hand.

Kroger Mashed Potatoes

 Kroger Mashed Potatoes are the store brand of mashed that are there to mean that you can have your spuds for less. I love this idea. I love these spuds. I got four boxes and now only have one left. I had to stop myself from using them all up before I took pictures. 

Good stuff.

Nature Valley Limited Edition Crunch Pumpkin Spice

 Nature Valley Limited Edition Crunch Pumpkin Spice need a bit more spice to be what they call themselves. I mean, nothing sounds better in the pumpkin spice category than these things should. They come out okay. Not great but just okay. I like to have them with coffee. I like to have everything with coffee.

Godiva White Chocolate Vanilla Bean Pudding with Chocolate Chips

If you don't make this Godiva White Chocolate Vanilla Bean Pudding with Chocolate Chips correctly all the chips end up at the bottom of the last cup. It's a very novel pudding but the lack of real vanilla drags it down. I mean, who goes to all this trouble and uses fake vanilla?

Tribe Pumpkin Spice Hummus

Tribe Pumpkin Spice Hummus tastes like pumpkin pie filling. I mean, it is pumpkin pie filling all the way. I love this stuff and have never had a sugary hummus so good.

This will be a great addition to your thanksgiving party. Win!

Stone Buenaveza Slat and Lime Lager

One slice of lime will not save Stone Buenaveza Slat and Lime Lager but a whole lime will really make it taste good. I know it's the day of the dead, and this was the best I could do to celebrate. Oddly, this feels more like a summer lager with it's lime fruitiness, but here in California it can still be hot in November so it works just right for the day of the dead. 

I find that the key to it is just getting enough lime to lighten the beverage or it will be bitter and heavy. Not bad but not good out of the bottle. 

Sheila G's Thindulgent Milk Chocolate Bark Caramel Pretzel

Sheila G's Thindulgent Milk Chocolate Bark Caramel Pretzel is a mildly seasonal mildly do-gooder kind of chocolate that is supposed to save the world. I don't know, I mean, I ate it and I'm still fat.

Anyway, this is fair trade chocolate so eat up, and be fat for a better world.