Pioneer Cafe Bacon

At the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale you can have Bacon at any meal if you want. You can even come in and order just bacon. As this is normally the alternative to sausage I have to say that I would definitely have the bacon because it comes from an animal and is recognizable.  

This bacon is crispy and crunchy just how I like it. 

Pioneer Cafe Chicken Parmigiana

 Chicken Parmigiana at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale is, well, passable. It's on the bland side and is the most American version of Chicken Parmigiana without being bigger and made of pork. 

Yeah, it could use some herbs but it's not going to give anyone indigestion. 

Pioneer Cafe Baked Potato

Now I've known a few baked potatoes in my time but this one at Pioneer Cafe in Glendale isn't even high. Does that thing even look like it smoked the green herb? Well, these baked potatoes come with all the stuff on the side, and you can see the sour cream and chives in the background by the roll. 

Should you get this? Well, it's no better or worse then the mashed potatoes so it's up to you.

Pioneer Cafe White Bread Toast

The idea of toast is to have something to do with old bread. White Bread Toast is what you make when you have no other option. So White Bread Toast at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale is what you get when toast comes with your meal and you don't want it so you get the stuff that you won't feel bad about not eating. Then you eat it anyway because you're a fat American...oh wait, that's just me. 

Pioneer Cafe Chicken Noodle Soup

Chicken Noodle Soup at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale is made with spaghetti or Angel Hair. I can never tell the two apart. Is that a good thing? I don't know. 

I can tell you that this soup is just, well, not very soupy and like most things at the Pioneer Cafe more designed not to offend than to satisfy. I'd add some pepper if I were you or better yet go with the salad. 

Pioneer Cafe Chocolate Mousse

Over my lifetime the population of Mousse has been on the decline and the Chocolate Mousse is no exception. I haven't had Chocolate Mousse in years for this reason. 

Well, at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale the Chocolate Mousse has developed this camouflage to make it harder to spot. It looks like a pie. Well, still tastes like good old Chocolate Mousse. 

Pioneer Cafe Country Breakfast with French Toast

The Pioneer Cafe's Country Breakfast with French Toast is the simple American idea of food to start off the day. It tastes great but is terrible for you. The big problem with this is that it has no vegetables and the nutritional deficiency will slow you down over time.

If you're going to eat this take a multivitamin or have a salad for lunch. Or don't take my advice and feel like crap for the rest of the day. 

Pioneer Cafe Ground Round

Ground Round breakfast at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale is a high protein meal designed to bulk a fellow up. It has two starches and two proteins with very little in the way of vegetables and nutrients. 

This is a filling meal, but take into account the idea that what you intend to do with your day will define if this is appropriate. If you're going to be out and about doing a good deal of walking this is fine. If you're going to be sitting you want to go with something leaner. 

Me, I'm built like a tank so if I had added a salad to this I would have been fine. 

Heinz Yellow Mustard

Heinz Yellow Mustard is something that exists as the standard for what mustard is, but have a look at that jar. Some dipstick figured that putting the label on upside down would be a good idea. 

I get that this is supposed to be so that you can get the last of the mustard out but the cap is so small all the drunk folks at your BBQ will be dropping this thing left and right. 

Don't you people understand that drunk people use mustard? 

Mike's Hard Peach Lemonade

Just in time for summer I'm reviewing Mike's Hard Peach Lemonade. Well, I feel like the peach flavor should be stronger and you lack the thickness of peach nectar. 

This is not a bad drink. It's a passable summer brew that will cool you off. I'm a fan of Mike's and I grant that this is not their best offering. I never thought I'd say this but 'where's the peach'.  

Thai Coco Coconut Milk Banana

If your plan is to use Thai Coco Coconut Milk Banana to make a vegan white Russian it will work but you need to put the alcohol in last. After that it kind of reminds me of the banana Horchata I drank as a kid. 

Be advised that this product will curdle so don't keep it around too long. Now I'm going to finish my vegan white Russian. 

Razzleberry Peace Tea

Apparently 'Razzle' is England English for celebrate. "I'm on the razzle, mate" or something like that. Anyway, that would make a razzleberry a bead of party perspiration. You'd think that would taste salty and slightly alcoholic. 

Razzleberry Peace Tea tastes nothing like that. It tastes like Raspberry Tea. I'm going to call that a good thing as I have honestly never wanted to lick the sweat off a party goer no matter how hot she may be. I would say that licking people at parties is really a bad idea. 

In in short, Razzleberry Peace Tea: okay. Licking people at parties: not okay. 

Mr. Giant Carne Assada Platter

The Carne Assada Platter at Mr. Giant in Whittier California was about what one would expect. The rice and beans were way too bland but the meat was so good I wanted more. In other words there wasn't enough of this to fill me up. 

Is it that I'm just that fat or that there isn't enough meat? You tell me. 

Pioneer Cafe Calamari

At the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale Calamari is not on the menu. It's on the thing on the table that shows appetizers. Why appetizers are not on the regular menu I don't know. 

In any case, this Calamari is not too chewy but it is chewy. I have to say I've had better and I've had worse. There are better things to be had at the Cafe but these aren't bad. 

Pioneer Cafe Midnight Express

This is what the Pioneer Cafe calls a Midnight Express. It's a cheeseburger with avocado. I mean, it's great but why is it called a Midnight Express? I don't get it, but I like it.  

Minta Blackberry

Minta Blackberry is a strange mix of mint and berry flavor that I can't say if I like or not. I mean, you should try this stuff just because it's so different from every other soda I've had. I mean, this stuff is just crazy. 

Jollibee Sundae

The Jollibee Sundae is about as far from a Sundae as a Sundae can be and still be a Sundae. It's just ice cream with a very small amount of chocolate syrup. It's kind of disappointing in the "I just had ice cream and I don't feel better" kind of way.  

Dasani Sparkling Berry Water

Dasani Sparkling Berry Water is the kind of water that is so tart it makes you wish you were drinking soda. I had this on hand and went and got something else, because this wasn't that great. It does taste like Berry. I mean, that is a plus. You'd expect berry flavored something to be berry flavored. Unless it's flavored like some dude name Berry. That would be unpleasant. 

PowerBar Clean Whey Protein Bar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

PowerBar Clean Whey Protein Bar Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is a nightmarish taffy like substance that is hard to chew and is an insult to cookie dough flavors everywhere. 

Now, I have to admit that I use these as rations for when I'm at work and can't go get food so they are just perfect for that. I mean, you can only eat these if you're really hungry. That mean's I won't go eating them because they taste good and they don't look like heat can mess with them too much. 

I have a work bag that gets left in the car so food that squashes or melts in no good for me. Still, I only got them because they were on sale. 

On-Cor Toasted Onion Gravy & Char-Broiled Patties

On-Cor Toasted Onion Gravy & Char-Broiled Patties are the kind of mystery meat that can only come out of your freezer. I mean, look at these abominations! What are they made of? Chicken, beef, pork, soy? Yes, they are made of those things and more. 

These things creep me out. 

Pioneer Cafe Vanilla Shake

They don't get a lot of orders for Vanilla Shakes at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale so the waitress made mine over sized and gave me the extra. Well, other than being a great cure of indigestion these are kind of a bust. They really taste more like sweet icy milk than a shake. 

You can see from where I was sitting that these are hand crafted but I think the crew just doesn't have enough experience making them. 

Don't despair, there are other desserts at the Pioneer Cafe that are good this just isn't one of them. 

Pioneer Cafe Mushroom Burger

Pioneer Cafe's Mushroom Burger is one of the big items on the menu. It was recommended by my supervisor so I was legally obliged to try it and it was really good. 

I will say that it could use some pepper but there is pepper on the table. The Pioneer Cafe in Glendale is noted for having food on the bland side so that you can season it yourself. This burger is kind of like that, but you can order it with steak sauce if you like. Choose your own flavor. 

International Delight Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Coffee Creamer

I got two bottles of International Delight Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Coffee Creamer because it was 97 cents at the store and my brother is lactose intolerant so he can't have White Russians. I made a Brown Russian for him or whatever you'd call a White Russian with coffee creamer. 

Well, this stuff is not as great as you'd think it would be, and what ever you do don't peal the lid seal off. Pop that thing with a knife but don't cut it off or the thing will leak. 

Anyway, meh, it's okay. 

Rock View Family Farms Half and Half Grade A

As you can see I used Rock View Family Farms Half and Half Grade A to make myself a white Russian. I really like white Russians now. As for Rock View, gets the job done, but past that it's just moo juice. 

Jollibee Mashed Potatoes

If boredom were an American food Jollibee Mashed Potatoes would be that food. They taste like nothing. Without the gravy it would be like eating clouds. 

Fiber One Brownies Supreme Brownie

In the world of 'health food' that makes you poop Fiber One Brownies has their 'Supreme Brownie' and given that it helps you make a brownie of your own I can't argue the point. 

I will point out that these are not good for you, but if it keeps your mouth off a candy bar or prevents you from getting hemorrhoids they are a good deal. 

The best fiber supplement is an apple, but apples don't taste like a brownie, don't last long in a hot car, and won't still be good after a nuclear war.  

OGGI 3 pc Stainless Steel Pro Vegetable Steamer Set

I got two of these OGGI 3 pc Stainless Steel Pro Vegetable Steamer Sets because the steamer is always dirty at my house. A man can hardly get his vegetables. 

Well these are nice and big, but the rivets get all nasty. I don't know if that's harmful or not but I don't like it.

Pioneer Cafe Fried Shrimp Appetizer

Pioneer Cafe Fried Shrimp Appetizer is a basic meal starter that you can get at the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale. These are about what you get anywhere, but they're good.  

If I didn't have to try everything on the menu I'd definitely get these again. 

Pioneer Cafe Eggs

At the Pioneer Cafe in Glendale you can get yourself some eggs. Yep, first thing on the menu is eggs, and they come with potatoes and toast. Now, understand that if you order this you are either a vegetarian or just trying to eat for less, because there are better things on the menu. 

That is not to say that these are bad they just are. That's how eggs are supposed to be.

Fiber One Chewy Bars Protein Caramel Nut

Look Fiber One do you have any Protein Bars that are not chewy? Do you think 'Chewy' is a good thing in a protein bar? 

In any case, these are the right mix of flavorless to make them something the normal person can resist eating unless they get hungry. I'll grant you, they look like candy bars but don't be fooled. These just aren't that great.