Pop Tarts Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte

 Pop Tarts Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte are a coffee flavored Pop Tart that I have to keep out of my house, because I love them too much. With more a taste of caramel than vanilla these toaster pastries are just the thing to get my fat self out of bed and into the kitchen to gain weight. 

If you don't have these with a hefty cup of coffee they may just put you back to sleep. I would say, have an egg, an apple, and a banana before you chow down on these, because as good as they are they are so bad for you. 

Sweet Earth Harmless Ham* and Chickpea Patty Sandwich

 Sweet Earth Harmless Ham* and Chickpea Patty Sandwich tastes like vegan food. I mean, it is vegan food, but the whole point of vegan food is that it should taste like good food not vegan food. The overall point of vegan food is to make you not miss animal products. 

 This is a fine enough sandwich but it will never stand up to a breakfast sandwich. That is not a frozen or fresh one. It just isn't as good as the real deal. You can eat this, it's not going to make you sick, but it's not going to satisfy.

AriZona Extra Strength Energy Shot Mucho Mango

 AriZona Extra Strength Energy Shot Mucho Mango is so not mango that I would never have guessed it was mango from the flavor or color. I would have thought it was blood orange. The fail of this, why is it flavored in the first place, product is hard to grasp. 

It works about as well as a cup of coffee, I guess, so not worth the money. I got it at a discount, four for a dollar, so that was cool.

Pop Tarts Frosted Cinnamon Roll

 Pop Tarts Frosted Cinnamon Roll don't pretend to be good for you with  fruit, and I like that honesty. If I had to choose between this and a cinnamon roll I'm going cinnamon roll. 

That is not to say that these aren't good. These are some of the best Pop Tarts I have ever had. That doesn't say much because I have trouble getting rid of the Pop Tarts I buy.

Yeah, you would think a big fat dude like me would eat all his Pop Tarts. That is really hard to do when you're trying to write a review every day.

Bar S Signature Smokehouse Bologna

 As I grew up with Oscar Mayer, Bar S is normally a step down for me.  They don't even take that red stuff off their bologna. I stopped eating bologna for a spell, because it reminded me of politics. 

Bar S Signature Smokehouse Bologna is better than it's normal offering with enough flavor to make it edible. Still not Oscar Mayer but good enough. Much better than the other Bar S flavors I've had.

Taco Bell Breakfast Fiesta Cheese

 Taco Bell Breakfast Fiesta Cheese is supposed to have bacon flavor. Anything with bacon flavor that is not bacon is a bad thing. I mean, unless it's vegan bacon just eat bacon right?

Anyway, this is not as good as normal cheese but I got at for 77 cents a bag so it was a good deal. I can't say much for it other than at that price it is a buy. At normal cheese prices I would get normal cheese. 

Taco Bell, really, stop messing with my shopping. People are supposed to go buy your food when they're high. No one should ever shop high. It's a really bad idea.

Kid Cuisine Nickelodeon Three Cheese Mac & Cheese

Kid Cuisine Nickelodeon Three Cheese Mac & Cheese is dietary nightmare fuel to start with being all starch and having few real nutrients. Then they have to give it a silly name and put that mutated dish sponge on the box.

To be honest this wasn't offensive it just wasn't good. I would not buy this again, and I would tell someone not to buy this for their child unless they want them to look like me when they grow up. I'm a 400 pound blog. 

Good Culture Cottage Cheese Pineapple

 Good Culture Cottage Cheese Pineapple is a grab and go for folks who want something to drop in their lunch bag. I can't say the combination sits well with me, but then fruit and Cottage Cheese never did it for me.

Give me a good old melon for my cottage cheese thank you.

Hormel Chili Pork with Beans Hot

 Hormel Chili Pork with Beans Hot is something I had to try even as I have tried so many vegan things.  It was there and I tried it. 

This stuff needed a half cup of water to make it runny enough to boil. Other than that it's a clump of meat and beans that's kind of like hash. It's meaty all right and with cheese and chips this stuff is the gate to heaven. 

I love chili with chips and cheese. I know, it's bad for me and I'm too fat to eat it often. I try not to have this all the time but when a new kind of chili comes around I have to try it, and this is good stuff.

Hilary's World's Best Veggie Burger

 Hilary's World's Best Veggie Burger is not the best veggie burger I've had. It is not bad, but not a replacement for beef. I would liken it somewhat to a hash brown, but not as crispy. 

I have to say these are okay. You can eat them without feeling sick or spitting them out. Still, not as good as meat.

Old ElPaso Stand N' Stuff White Corn Taco Shells with a Hint of Lime

 Old ElPaso Stand N' Stuff White Corn Taco Shells with a Hint of Lime have a hint of lime as subtle as a ten foot crock on your kitchen table. The lime overpowers every other flavor no matter what you put on these and they feel dusty in your hand. 

I have to say these are a fail. Maybe if you were making something bland and needed flavor they would work. They taste a good deal better as chips, yes I did try them that way, but I wouldn't get these again.

Lunch Box Slammin' Ham & Colby

 Lunch Box, really, 'Slammin' Ham & Colby'? It sounds like slang for having two girls when one has a yeast infection. It doesn't help that it's low quality ham. They would be really good if not for the low quality meat and the funny name that would get your middle school-er picked on. I wouldn't buy them again but they are passable.

That ham was so chewy I thought I hadn't thawed them long enough at first. I mean, it must have come from some really old pig.

Midori Melon Liqueur

 

Midori Melon Liqueur is becoming harder and harder to find, because people have no taste. Surprisingly versatile and sweet this stuff has been in my cabinet for as long as I have been able to find it to put it there. If you haven't tried this then you should. They bring this all the way from Japan and I don't want to see it disappear from American Shelves.

Good stuff, on my buy list.  

RightRice Orginal

 If rice isn't healthy enough for you and brown rice still won't cut it you can try RightRice Original. I found it easy to cook, and with five grams of fiber a good alternative to rice as a starch.  

Now, there was a lot of this stuff for one person so I had most of it the next day. Rice can dry easily in storage, but this was just fine.  I have to admit, if it comes to this or rice, at the same price this is the right rice to pick.

Porta Béla Crispy Mushroom Snacks Pizza

 

Porta Béla Crispy Mushroom Snacks Pizza is a pizza sauce flavored crisp. I love mushrooms, and I love these things. Do they taste like pizza? No. They taste like tomato sauce, but its a good tomato sauce that would go on pizza. I would buy these again.

Hostess Fudge Covered Twinkies

I've never been able to wrap my head around Twinkies. I mean, they look like Homer Simpson's dork. There even cream filled. Why would you put that in your mouth? Now cover them with fudge and you have something that looks at home in a porselen thrown. 

Hostess Fudge Covered Twinkies taste a lot better than they look. I think they even stay fresher than normal Twinkies, but I don't eat them that often to know.

If you can get past what these look like you still shouldn't eat them, but they are better than normal Twinkies.

Smart Ones Cordon Bleu Panini

 Smart Ones Cordon Bleu Panini is a hot sandwich you put in the microwave. These are smaller than I would have expected and the onions are a thing I don't like. I mean, if you like caramelized onions then you're going to love this sandwich. If onions aren't your thing, then give this a pass. 

Still, I don't get how it's a Smart sandwich. I mean, the smart fish doesn't get eaten. What does a smart sandwich do?

Denny's Moons Over My Hammy

 I've always wanted to try Denny's Moons Over My Hammy, but I never did, because look at that, look at me, you can tell that's just too small. I have to say I really like, but they could have given me more hash browns. 

Yeah, if you're hungry this will leave you lacking, and it doesn't come with anything that will keep you going for long. I mean, you need some fruit or something to go along with this. 

Tastes good but bad for you. Eat accordingly.

Food Lion Cheese Cut Crackers White Cheddar

 Food Lion Cheese Cut Crackers White Cheddar are a fine cheese cracker. Sharper than your normal Cheez It, larger, and with a dusty feel to them I have to admit I had to stop myself before eating the whole box in one sitting. Then, I'm a fat dude so that's not hard to do.

Tillamook Muenster Farmstyle Thick Cut Cheese

 Tillamook Muenster Farmstyle Thick Cut Cheese is a soft creamy cheese that is hard to get out of the pack, because it brakes up. Once you get it out of the pack it's great. The getting can be hard, but the pay off is worth it. Makes you feel like you worked for your food. 

I will buy this again. 

Trolli Twisted Sour Brite Crawlers Gummy Candy

 Trolli Twisted Sour Brite Crawlers Gummy Candy do not have a strong sour flavor and are chewy. If you wipe the dust off your Sour Patch Kids then these are the gummy candy for you. As for me, I think these things are good, but I think I like Sour Patch better. 

Then again, I don't like my food to have a face, so these get a plus in that category. There you have it, less sour, less creepy, all chewy.

Sweet Earth Pogo! Power On the Go Dulce Cocoa & Quinoa Wrap

 Sweet Earth Pogo! Power On the Go Dulce Cocoa & Quinoa Wrap was in my grocers freezer section. These are bad cold but you're supposed to warm them up. 

Once warm they are okay for hippy food. I mean, I don't think I would buy more but they are edible. It's kind of like a bland pop tart.

I guess this is health food but I don't know. They leave a taste in my mouth about an hour after eating that I really have to brush my teeth to get rid of.

Hostess Donettes Powdered

 Hostess Donettes Powdered are found in snack vending machines across America. Are they good? They are when you're hungry, but they will never stand up to a fresh one from a shop. 

Eating these is one of those sad moments in humanity when you realize that you were too lazy to walk across the parking lot, and get a real pastry. That or you're stuck at work and can't get real food.  You love these little things not because of their flavor but because they are there for you in those dark moments.

Life can be sad and it's odd when a thing covered in powdered sugar can tell you that. 

Ben's Beginners Skillet Meal Cheesy Taco & Rice

 Ben's Beginners Skillet Meal Cheesy Taco & Rice is delicious. I ate the leftovers the next day, and I almost never do that. The big thing is the cheese you put on top. This does not come with the product, you buy it separately, but it was what made the dish.  

Now, I'm four-hundred pounds, and eating the whole thing sounds like something I would do so this is filling, and you can add more vegetables to bulk it up for a family.

Good stuff.

Old Home Hamburger Enriched Buns

 The basic point being that I needed hamburger buns and these were there so I got some Old Home Hamburger Enriched Buns. I forgot how good a grill salami sandwich could be. As I chewed on this for a few short moments I was in heaven. 

Don't look at me like that! I'm fat, you should expect me to like food. 

Anyway, these buns do the job. I like to heat them up on the frying pan to make them crisp. Good stuff, would by again.

Sweet Earth Santa Fe Veggie Burger

 This Sweet Earth Santa Fe Veggie Burger gave me indigestion then jumped out my rear end faster than I was expecting. It burnt the whole way. I will now make it a point to try Sweet Earth products because as unpleasant as that was it's the stuff good blogs are made of. 

Come on, you know you want to hear about my burning hind quarters.  

Anyway, as a burger, this was filled with odd objects that made me wonder what I was eating as I chewed. It doesn't taste like meat. Is it bad? No, tastes okay. I just think it's the kind of thing your body needs to get used to. 

Monster Caffe Mocha

 

Monster Caffe Mocha is a delightful drink but doesn't have the kick of a real monster. There is less caffeine in it, not by much, but I drink these to stay up not taste them. The Mocha is chocolaty and I would say the flavor is like frappaccino. Tastes great but not for keeping you up.

Slim Jim Pork Rinds Hog Wild BBQ

 

Slim Jim Pork Rinds Hog Wild BBQ are about as hog wild as D&D nerds having a planing session for their next campaign. These are a mild light pork rind that feels like your eating air. 

This is not to say they are bad, but I just can't say there is much wild about them. Didn't taste much BBQ for that matter. Meh, so very meh.

Grill Mates Brown Sugar Bourbon Smoked Sausage

 Grill Mates Brown Sugar Bourbon Smoked Sausage hasn't that much of a flavor. I mean, I would say they are good but not great. As sausage goes this stuff is just fine, it could be better but it's not bad.

Carl's Jr. Monster Angus Thickburger

 Carl's Jr. Monster Angus Thickburger isn't much of a monster. It's a big burger and you pay big for it, but it's not that filling. Don't get me wrong, I like these, and this is my third over a month's time.

Still, I wouldn't call it a monster. Big, but it's stile not a four by four.

If you plan to use one of these to get you're guts to ease off after a hangover, well, the large coke will get it done. Just remember, ketchup is good for hangovers.  

Elmhurst Hemp Creamer Turmeric-Chi

 Elmhurst Hemp Creamer Turmeric-Chi has just the right kind of spice to wake you up in the morning. I normally drink my coffee black, but this was really good. I mean, it reminded me of old friends and good conversations. 

You really need to try this stuff.