Deschutes Brewery Black Butte Porter

Deschutes Brewery Black Butte Porter is a dark smooth beer with a thick head and rich flavor. This is so deeply a winter sipping beer, but can be taken in long drafts. 

This ranks a buy for any dark beer drinker. 

Date Lady Caramel Sauce

This Caramel Sauce by Date Lady is the kind of thing you should never put in your coffee. I think they work best as something for diabetics to keep around in case they need sugar. This is a fine thing to add as a topping to ice cream or cake, but it will just get lost in your cup of Joe and be forgotten. 

They do have a complex natural flavor that when concentrated is better than just sugar.  There just isn't enough of it to work in a cup of coffee.

Folger Coffee Co. 1850 Trailblazer

Have you ever had coffee on the trail? I mean for real. It's like life in the Trump era where you're surprised how bad it is and yet some how you keep taking it. Trail coffee is that which can wake the dead or kill a living man. 

So, what is Folger Coffee Co. 1850 Trailblazer? Bitter and nasty coffee with a need for sugar and cream. Fine for chocolate eating to balance the sweet. Otherwise not good stuff.

Yeah, what I do is eat a chocolate, then I take a drink of this stuff. Clears the chocolate from my mouth and makes the next chocolate much better. If I'm going to kill myself with chocolate I'm going to eat it right.

Taste Nirvana Real Thai Tea Latte

'Happiness in a bottle' reads the cap of my Taste Nirvana Real Thai Tea Latte, but I still fell like crap. Well, I had a hard day, and this stuff is helping. I'm used to Thai Tea being a bit richer than this, but this is good stuff. It makes me sit back and take a breath.

Green Giant Veggie Tots Broccoli

Few vegetable ideas are as nightmare inducing as Green Giant Veggie Tots Broccoli. Now, I don't mind broccoli every now and then, some can't stand it, but it's good for you.

Tater Tots are kind of a food that isn't good per say, but they are something that can be made easily and fill you up.  

Adding these two together is so bad that it makes me want to toss them to the worms if I didn't like the worms. Mostly, they taste like really old broccoli.

Michelina's Lean Gourmet Five Cheese Lasagna

Michelina's Lean Gourmet gives you an expectation with that cover art, but the thing beneath looks nothing like the cover. It could be five cheese Lasagna, but would that make much of a difference? 

Grant that these things are around a doller and only 280 Calories so you don't pay much and you don't get much. Still, the way too much packaging that comes with these thin little things is terrible for the environment. 

All and all, not bad, not as good as the real thing. I don't want to know how bad they are for me. 

Kirkland Signature Wild Alaskan Pacific Cod

Kirkland Signature Wild Alaskan Pacific Cod is prime white fish. I mean, white fish tastes like nothing so it takes on the flavor you give it. I like to keep it simple with butter and pepper, but this stuff goes with most things and is best had with white wine.

Burger King Funnel Cake Fries

Burger King came out with funnel cake fries and I was reminded of the better days of my youth growing up in southern California when we would go to the discount version of the Mouse House for people who couldn't afford the real thing. 

I loved funnel cake. Had it maybe once or twice, but loved it just the same. These are not funnel cake. I don't know what these are and they're not bad but they just don't come close to what I had in youth. 

I can't call them a fail. I just don't think they're that great. 

M&M's Caramel Hop to It

Valentines day is a memory, and the stores have their Easter crap out to tempt the children into a life of diabetes. Now here we have the Easter M&M's Caramel with an extra 'hop to it' and Easter colors. 

These things are meh, they are so meh. You'd think they were better than the other flavors but they just aren't. Don't put them in the refrigerator either because they won't be good cold.  

If you need to die of diabetes then these are just not the way to go. 

Kroger 3 Minute Microwave Pizza Pepperoni

I can figure if it's worse to get a normal pizza and eat the whole thing or confirm that I'm alone in life with these Kroger 3 Minute Microwave Pizzas. I mean, you can share a whole pizza, but these you know you're buying for you. 

The Pepperoni is the little chunk kind so it hardly looks like pizza. I'm going to get more for those days when my life sucks.

Original Outlaw Energy Passion

Original Outlaw Energy Passion is not vary passionate. I mean, you can sit that can on your bed and it will ignore you all night no matter how sexy you are. Then again, what would happen if my energy drinks got it on? I mean, if this stuff had a kid with the punch flavor what would happen? 

Anyway, it tastes of mango and is discount monster. Not as good but it works.

Green Giant Veggie Tots Corn

Green Giant Veggie Tots: Corn. Let that sink in, yeah, it's like a hash brown with corn. It's like all the great things about the TV dinners I had as a kid have been added together and made as one. Now all I need is some fried chicken or Salisbury Steak. I do not want more of the puddle thing that looks like the goop from Ant-Man that the little gun turned people into. Why did they put those in TV Dinners?

Now these are great but to understand that you will be having a corn related experience in the washroom after eating them. If you can deal with that go for these. 

Vodka Monopolowa J. A. Baczewski

Monopolowa is a vodka by J. A. Baczewski and some nasty stuff as a shooter. It's a real potato vodka that will get the old fingers working in the snow.

Shots of this make me shiver, and and they disappear in the good old Bloody Mary.  Serviceable and strong, this is the read potato deal. Do you want a potato deal? What are you doing with those potatoes.

Green Mountain Dark Magic Coffee

The magic in this Green Mountain Dark Magic Coffee is that it can eat sugar and not change it's flavor. Green Mountain is not known for good coffee, and this stuff is so bad that my brother handed it to me and asked me to get rid of it. It's magically disgusting.

Russell Stover Assorted Fine Chocolates 7 oz

Russell Stover Assorted Fine Chocolates 7 oz is the classic choice for Valentine's Day, and your girl won't think you're a total idiot if you get this heart. The hard centers are good and the soft centers are so so. 

I remember my old man complaining that my mother didn't like soft centers and he kept buying them because he didn't think about it too much. 

Guys, take notes about what chocolate your girl wants. Trust me on this one, she notices the little things. 

Russell Stover Strawberry Cream Heart

I went in thinking I would hate these Russell Stover Strawberry Cream Hearts, but I have to admit that they're really great. Sweet and rich with just the right amount of strawberry flavor. These are a great way to brighten your Valentine's day if you're not fat like me. 

Lindt Lindor Assorted Chocolate Truffle Box, 5.7 Oz.

If you are considering Lindt Lindor Assorted Chocolate Truffle Box, 5.7 Oz. for your girl I think it's a bad idea. I mean, I'll grant it's a colorful box but it's a lot more wrapping than chocolate. 

Then again, I've never been a big fan of Lindor and Truffles are not my thing. It all comes down to 'does she like that kind of chocolate?' and knowing what kind of chocolate your girl likes is very important. 

Dove Love Birds Peanut Butter & Milk Chocolate

Dove Love Birds are a Valentines Day chocolate that come in bites and these ones compare to peanut butter cups. Peanut butter cups are a bit better.

At this point I have to ask who these things were marketed to given that they're not romantic, but they do make you fat. Are we trying to make girls with booties here?

Lindt Lindor Truffles, White Chocolate

So, I got a handful of these Lindt Lindor Truffles, and as much as white chocolate is not technically chocolate but you got to say it still tastes good. These are creamy, rich, and soft. Still, if your plan is to get these for your love then make sure that white chocolate is their thing. Otherwise you'll be lonely.

Dove Hearts Dark Chocolate

Dove has taken to making these things for every holiday and Valentines day is where I think they started. What you got here is nothing more than dark chocolate, and it's good dark chocolate, shaped like hearts.

Now for those of you looking for something to make your girl's heart go pitter patter these are not a good idea. Foil rapped just isn't that romantic. For those of you looking to put something holiday themed in the candy dish at work only to eat it all yourself, these are okay. I mean, foil wrapping only last so long. The real winner here is folks like me who go looking for this stuff after the holiday and get some great dark chocolate for half off.

Lindt Lindor Truffles Dark Chocolate

Lindt Lindor Truffles Dark Chocolate, like all truffles of this make, have holes in them. This does mean they look bigger for what you pay and if you don't cut them open like I do you may never notice. Past that, these are a mild dark chocolate with a high coco butter flavor that will not sit well with a dark chocolate lover. 

If what you want is to have these with wine then you'll need a very very sweet wine. On the other hand, your kids will love them. 

Peking Cuisine Egg Rolls Chicken & Vegetable

Peking Cuisine Egg Rolls Chicken & Vegetable are not worth buying. Out of the oven they just don't stack up and out of the microwave their dry slugs of nasty that should be eaten by no one.

They also have an odd chemical flavor that just make them taste like they will make you sick. So epic fail. 

Russell Stover Crispy Peanut Butter Heart

What could be better than peanut butter and chocolate? Well, not these Russell Stover Crispy Peanut Butter Hearts. These things are nasty. I mean, they taste like the peanut butter was rancid and then puffed with air to make them less nasty. Then there are the crispy things. I have no idea why they would even be in there, they take up space I guess. 

Dude, these are gross. 

Tillamook Ice Cream Creamy PB & J

Is there anything better than peanut butter? Not really but ice cream is just as good. The only question is what happens when you ad some jelly in there. To be honest not much. There are a lot of Tillamook ice creams that I think are top notch but this one is not as good as all of those. It's not bad, just not great.

Zombie Cajun Lagniappe Hot Pepper Sauce

Zombie Cajun Lagniappe Hot Pepper Sauce, pronounced Lan-Yap is a mild hot sauce with an off flavor that reminds me of blood. I mean, it's really kind of like the smell of coagulating blood. Sick that I know that, but yeah, this is not the best thing to put in your bloody Mary. 

Still, if you got the idea that drinking some old blood is in your head then this is your bag. Then I have to ask, why Lagniappe?  It means, 'something given as a bonus'.

Goya Dulce De Leche Wafers

I don't know what Dulce De Leche tastes like so I can't tell you how close these Goya Dulce De Leche Wafers get. They do really kick ass with coffee. Past that they are totally bad for you if definatly addictive. 

I'd get more if I wasn't so fat. 

V8 Original Low Sodium

V8 Original Low Sodium is apparently further away from a Bloody Mary than normal V8. It gives you the ability to add your own salt in the drink. 

All in all, I drink this because I worry about my electrolytes. It's good for you so you should drink it even if it tastes like mud.

My old man said that he got this and then put salt in it to make it not taste like mud. Then the old man had rice and ice cream together. 

Quaker King Vitaman Cereal

Is that a misspelling on my Vitamin cereal or did they mean that to be King Vitaman? In any case, this only has six grams of sugar and is much better for you than just normal cereal. It's not as sweet and that dude on the box with the giant nose and spoon aren't creepy at all.  I'd still keep him away from your children. 

His cereal is a good compromise between sweetened and unsweetened and it's a shame they only make this in limited supply.