Lean Cuisine French Bread Pepperoni Frozen Pizza

 Lean Cuisine French Bread Pepperoni Pizza tastes like the kind of thing a single man would make for himself on a lonely night after he just got home from the store and realized he has nothing easy to make. 

That salad is going to go bad, Ralf, you need to eat it right now.

It hasn't enough cheese and is, well, okay. I grand this is supposed to help you get thin so you need to eat it with a massive amount of green stuff. Salad, Ralf, salad! 

I would still have likes something like olives or mushrooms to cover that no cheese issue but maybe those don't freeze well. 

I've had worse, but this isn't what I would call good.

Smart Ones Angel Hair Pasta Marinara

Smart Ones Angel Hair Pasta Marinara is edible. I would not go as far as to say that it’s great, but I would definitely say edible. The marinara is on the side so you can mix in as much or as little as you want without issue.

In a world where I often put more of these frozen dinners in the trash than I eat this one isn’t too bad. I wouldn’t get it again, but it didn’t make me sick. 

 

Trader Joe's Organic Maple Butter

Trader Joe's Organic Maple Butter is no longer on offer from what I understand, and it's a much missed product. I'm not sure why, but I left this in the back of my fridge for the longest time.

Maple Butter as a concept doesn't go bad. It's like sugar or honey.  What you have is super thick maple syrup that will drip all over and would be better on toast than the bagel I used. 

All and all, if you love real maple then this is a fine thing to have and if maple isn't a major thing for you than this will fall short. If Trader Joe's brings it back you should talk up because it doesn't go bad. 
 

Sonic Ranch Dressing

 Sonic's Ranch Dressing is passable. It isn't good and I had no idea there was so lack luster ranch dressing until I tried this because I almost never eat ranch. I didn't order ranch and it was extra so I didn't want ranch but the girl at Sonic gave me ranch so I tried it and wasn't impressed. 

If you're at Sonic you may need this ranch to eat their trash chicken but as ranch goes this is just a sad version of a better product. 

Oscar Mayer Natural Slow Roasted Turkey Breast

Oscar Mayer Natural Slow Roasted Turkey Breast was on sale and so I got some to feed to my cats. They loved it. I mean they had a ball eating it frozen. 

I didn't freeze mine but it was that odd soft lunch meat that is just strong enough so that it does not come apart before it gets in the bread. 

Solid product, makes cat's happy. What more could you want. 
 

Campbell's Chunky New England Clam Chowder

 I have never understood clam chowder nor how it can be New England. I don't know what makes one different from the other, but I guess if I read up on it more I would find out. The  idea of eating clams in and of itself is lost on me as they are the water filter for the ocean and full of things that other things poop out. 

Thus, Campbell's Chunky New England Clam Chowder left an odd taste in my mouth. Don't get me wrong, we eat vegetables which are fed off the poop of other animals so clams aren't abnormally poop filled. I just never saw why we eat them.

I guess you could say that this stuff is mostly potato chowder with the clam being sprinkled in. It hasn't much flavor and is, as I often say, unoffensive. 

It's food like this that makes me ask, 'what is it that I'm looking for in a canned soup?' I mean, really, what should I be saying about this stuff?

Lucky Super Soft Mouthwash Original

 Original flavored mouthwash looks like urine. There was a time in human history when that's what you used for mouthwash. In ancient Rome the wealthy would buy urine to use as mouthwash. I believe it needed to be aged correctly before use. 

That is why I use this Original Lucky Super Soft Mouthwash to clean my razor. It works as well as any mouthwash but I still would rather use it for my razor. Sometimes knowing things isn't as fun as you think. 

I like how this cleans my razor just fine and most of the time I don't need to use an old toothbrush to clear the hair out with this stuff.  

It works good, I just can't get passed the look. 

Devour Smokehouse Meat & Potatoes

Devour Smokehouse Meat & Potatoes is something of a food junkyard full of bits that look like they didn't make it into other food. I guess that should be normal when it comes to these low end freezer meals. We may just be using more of the food we grow in our economy and that's not a bad thing by any means. 

Still, it isn't much on quality and as the sauce doesn't cover it all that well.  The stuff taste okay, I mean, it's food and I ate it, but I'm not going to go looking for more. 

The bar for what we call food has been dropping for a long time and maybe it needs to stay low or maybe it needs to get higher. I don't know, but this didn't jump out at me as something in one camp or the other. 
 

Applegate Herb Turkey Breast

Applegate, we don’t name them because then we get attached, and Herb is a dumb name for a turkey.  He’s delicious, well seasoned, and tender but knowing his name was Herb is still upsetting.

You need to be careful when you get this out of the bag because it will breakup but once you get it into that bread the stuff is really good.  Always happy with Applegate.

 

Alfaro's Artesano Golden Wheat Bakery Bread

 Alfaro's Artesano Golden Wheat Bakery Bread is kind of posh stuff being made with olive oil and sea salt with a touch of honey. It isn't the super soft bread I ate as a child for sure but it is some rather good bread. 

I find Artesano to be relatively long lasting, good tasting, and likely bad for me. I'll grant that it is a simple carbohydrate and simple carbohydrates make you fat.

The bread they say is good for you tastes horrible and the bread that tastes good isn't good for you. This bread tastes good, feels good, and is something I would make into toast or have in a sandwich. 

I say it's a buy.

HTY Asian Funnel Cake Brown Sugar

HTY Asian Funnel Cake comes with a warning from the state of California saying it may give you cancer. The Brown Sugar flavor is okay but this is not what I think of when I say funnel cake. 

This was fine, mildly sweet, but not worth getting cancer for.
 

Kodiak Cubs Protein-Packed S'mores Instant Oatmeal

More than once I have poured a pack of this Kodiak Cubs Protein-Packed S'mores Instant Oatmeal into my mouth dry. I don’t mind adding hot water but a sip of coffee does it just as well for me when I’m on post and working in the cold. That and I wouldn’t want to waste a cup.

So these are small and the S’more flavor is best tasted when they are hot. Coffee machine water is hot enough to make them but  I wouldn’t call them a meal for anyone over the age of three.

Truth be told, I wouldn’t get more of these but I also wouldn’t mind trying new flavors. 

 

Hungry-Man Double Meat Bowls Smothered Salisbury Steak

 Smothered Salisbury Steak by Hungry-Man is a member of their Double Meat Bowl line and I must say it’s gross. The Salisbury Steak is no worse than normal. I mean, they tend to be made out of that spongy not meat anyway so I can’t say they’re worse than normal.

 

However, the mashed potatoes have odd hard to identify chunks in them. I think they are bits of potato, but I can’t be sure. It’s rather hard to have mashed potatoes with skin that work. The potato skin must be just right and in this case, it just makes you want to spit it out.

Jelly Belly A & W Root Beer Jelly Beans

 Jelly Belly A & W Root Beer Jelly Beans taste like soda candy. Root Beer soda candy but I've had more faithful re-creations of the flavor. They aren't bad but not as good as the real thing.

Green Giant Corn in Butter Sauce

As part of Green Giant's 'Simple Steam' line Corn in Butter Sauce comes ready to micromanage. Corn feels healthy and corn with butter sounds good. Good quality corn should need no butter, but we don't live in that world. 

In truth, eating corn is better than eating toast or a muffin, and so it must be pointed out that this is a better option than a good number of combinations common in the American breakfast. I would still not call it health food but it will help with constipation.  

Stuff is okay. 
 

Jelly Belly Bubble Gum Jelly Beans

 For those of you who like bubble gum but wish it didn't last as long and made you fatter there are Jelly Belly Bubble Gum Jelly Beans. I mean, this stuff is spot on. It was just like pink bubble gum. 

I don't understand why you wouldn't just chew bubble gum, but you do you man. 

Wendy’s Chili

Chili isn’t a common thing you get at fast food restaurants but Wendy’s Chili is not bad. I mean, it tasted like it had real meat in it and wasn’t all full of onions like other chilies I’ve had.  It wasn’t hot, as in chili not temperature, but it was warm and filling kind of stuff. 

I found this to be some solid chili for a fast food place. I know that is a low bar, but I think this was the best thing I’ve had at Wendy’s.

 

Taco Bell Chicken Cheesy Dipping Burritos

 I feel like I got less chicken in my Taco Bell Chicken Cheesy Dipping Burritos than I got beef in my Taco Bell Steak Cheesy Dipping Burritos, but I was still more a fan of the chicken. The dipping sauce was fine but I could have eaten it on it's own. 

If you're going to Taco Bell you're probably high anyway and would eat just about anything. 

Taco Bell is a consistent inexpensive option that doesn't make me sick. I don't really know why it gets a bad reputation. I've never gotten sick there.

Anyway, these are a buy.

Del Taco Ranch Crispy Chicken Taco

 The Del Taco Ranch Crispy Chicken Tacos are only good when they're are fresh. If you're ordering these to be delivered you'll be disappointed. There isn't much ranch and the whole thing is kind of small. Yeah, I used to eat ten tacos when I was young. I can eat six tacos now, but I may just be able to eat even more of these tacos because they are small.

Also, that tortilla is only good if hot. It gets cold and stale fast.  

I don't mind these. There are a lot of worse things you can eat at Del Taco, but I wouldn't go running after them either. 

Taco Bell Steak Cheesy Dipping Burritos

 You can have chicken or beef in your Taco Bell Cheesy Dipping Burritos and this is the beef version. It tastes like beef skirt to be which is a lower quality beef but it is beef. 

The cheese is on one side and these are wet enough so you don't need to dip them. If you are asking chicken or beef the answer is in the car beef and sitting down chicken.

As Taco Bell goes this is good. If you can you should try it. 

Wholesome Pantry Organic Concord Grape Fruit Spread

 Wholesome Pantry Organic Concord Grape Fruit Spread doesn't have the best presentation. The duller color that you get here is of greater authenticity than the purple you would get from a less organic spread. 

This is a lot more like home made only a home made spread would often be more lumpy. All said, this is a solid product. I'm not the biggest fan of fruit spread because I almost never eat toast now days. 

Still, I saw this, it looked good, it is good.

KFC Secret Recipe Fries

Secret Recipe Fries I got at Kentucky Fried Chicken were on the old side and a major disappointment. They really didn't taste like much. They had a nice texture to them and were worth trying, but I wouldn't have said they were better than normal fries and would take almost any fast food fries over them.

Devour Pesto Ravioli with Spicy Italian Sausage

Devour Pesto Ravioli with Spicy Italian Sausage didn't taste much like pesto. I mean, I really didn't know it was pesto until I read the box, and I try not to read the box before I try the food. The less I know of the product the better. 

Now the sausage was not that spicy either. I mean, this was good enough but it wasn't what it claims to be. This tasted better than most American attempts at Italian food, but it was still short of the real thing. 

Eating this kind of makes me want to make it for real and show myself what real food tastes like. Still, I'd eat this again.
 

Valentine Sour Patch Kids Sour Hearts

 Valentine Sour Patch Kids Sour Hearts are sour as hell. There are few things more hard core than giving your girl black hearts for the big V day. It's the perfect way to say you want to do it dirty and rusty.

I can't tell you what rusty means on this blog. I mean, kids could see this. 

Anyway, as candy these are fine, very sour, and kind of sweet. Yeah, you don't get as much as you think you would, but the candy is good.  

Cadbury Caramello Miniatures

Decked out with some hearts these Caramello Miniatures by Cadbury were in the discount rack after Valentin’s Day last year and I must say they are some fine fat makers. I would get more if it were not for the fact that I’m a big fat pig. Being a big fat pig sucks.

Anyway, fine candy is not what us American’s tend to go for. We tend to want a massive amount of low-quality junk. These give you that burst of gooey caramel, and you will love them if you’re a fat American like me.

 

Chocolove Bar Cinnamon Ganache Milk Chocolate Valentine

 The Chocolove Bar Cinnamon Ganache is a Milk Chocolate Valentine that was leftover last year. You can taste more cinnamon than chocolate but then if you wanted more chocolate flavor you'd go dark. The end result isn't something that made me want more of these but I did eat the whole thing. 

All in all, I can't say this is all that romantic. I mean, it's a candy bar. I like those, but it isn't all that well themed. If you want cinnamon and chocolate this is for you. I just don't see how it's so Valentine.  

Dove Promises Midnight Fudge Cookie

If your special someone is not into fine chocolate they my just have a love for Dove Promises Midnight Fudge Cookies which are a step up from your every day candy bar but not as fine as box chocolate. 

These are rich enough to be like by the milk chocolate lovers of the world but lack the bitter strength of most dark chocolate. The fact that both real and artificial flavors were used is disappointing. 

In short, the kids will love this but don't give them to your wife thinking you'll impress her.
 

Hostess Strawberry Cheesecake Baby Bundts

Hostess Strawberry Cheesecake Baby Bundts were on my grocery shelf for Valentin’s Day. I don’t get why strawberries are associated with the holiday, but here there are with a 'from and a to' on the bags.  That 'from and to' really puzzles me. I mean, who would give these out like that and how do you even write the names on them?

I would also have to point out that the cheesecake part is not a thing. These are just bunt cakes. There is no cheesecake to be tasted. The Hostess Baby Bunt is a much-loved product and should be thought as such. Still, there is no cheesecake in these.

 

Cella's Chocolate Covered Cherries

 I didn't eat many of these Cella's Chocolate Covered Cherries which is odd for a fat man like me. The cherries felt like they were all torn up before I started chewing them. I know that cherry and Valentine's Day go hand and hand because they are suggestive but who wants a chewed up cherry?

Men, men don't care so long as they get some. 

Chocolove Raspberry Rose Ruby Chocolate Bar

 Chocolove Raspberry Rose Ruby Chocolate Bar is one disappointment that sticks out. It tastes like Raspberry but the Ruby Chocolate is lost in the flavor. 

I don't know if there was just a Ruby Chocolate Bar without the berry bit I would have liked to try it if there was. This was okay, but not as good as milk chocolate.

Ghirardelli Sea Salt Caramel Milk Chocolate Hearts

I admit and absence of salt in tasting these Ghirardelli Sea Salt Caramel Milk Chocolate Hearts. I often miss the salt in salted caramel because we have so much salt in our diet that it gets lost. Every now and then I eat some fast food and it tastes way too salty and I know it’s because I kept away from salt that day so it could be I had too much salt to taste the salt in these.

I will still say that sea salt is not something I can really taste all that well to start with. If I didn’t know it was sea salt I would never be able to taste if it were or not.

Past that, Ghirardelli has put out a solid product here. I would say the bag was kind of empty. They should have made it smaller to reduce packing materials, but then you wouldn’t be fooled into thinking you were getting more candy.

 

Hostess Valentine Ding Dongs

 If getting a Ding Dong or giving a Ding Dong is what you want to do for Valentine's Day then Hostess has you covered. I mean, just the tip by the looks of it, but with real cream filling. 

these are not as good as many Hostess products but then some people like their sugar less rich.  

If I were not a big fat slob I would still not buy more of these, because I feel there are better options but these aren't bad. I would say these are nice and if you're not fat like me a good addition to the holiday.